sketch

getting ready to rob a store with Natali Moon. night
in her car
foamy sheet in the back seat I ruined. like old dust dissintegrated.

in need of some consistency...

as it must be obvious by dates, it is difficult to consistently continue a dream record. I wanted it to be something I did every morning. Some days there's too much flurry in the morning upon waking and the dream is so fragile it gets blown away like face powder in strong wind! I just get this minuscule residue. I only know the color and not the pattern.

I want to try harder. even if there's only time for a few sentences... it's easy to open up this blog on my browser. It is literally a few clicks away. So no excuses. Just get it in here.

yellow fuzzies and money-covered lanterns

backwards order:


tiny bright yellow bugs around in the grass
one solitary bug on my arm... fuzzy and hairy. no pain but seemed odd and i was unsure what they'd do. bite?
they never did hurt me but I wanted to get up but couldnt. i was lying flat on my back in the tall grass.
and it was on a slight hill so looking up my feet were a litte higher than my head. it was an awkward position to be in
and it made me feel more vulnerable. i was sort of paralyzed.
girl freaking when she saw the bugs, i think she was asian. i felt nothing, no fear anyway. just curious.


lantern with money wrapped around it, not US ciirency, seemed foreign. but green and papery- somehow familiar.
lantern began as a stopwatch, then changed as I held it.
tall grass, windy, overcast sky and dim lighting. evening

bags, overcome and bogged down.
group of people getting ready to go on a trip, group function like it was for school or work
loading car, preoccupation with stuff and objects. possessions
wondering if my things would get left behind and lost. loading them up in the car.

someone gave me a stopwatch for the trip. --docking station, low wooden bldg, like a cabin. kind of off in the forest
secluded place

the stopwatch had a very large face and looked old and it was pretty damn cool.

German treason and Chinese Gov.. /execution by car

story unfolded in front of me, plot was almost exactly the same as the movie Sophie Scholl, which was based on something true.
She was in an anti-war group called White Rose; their pamphlets said harsh things about germany's actions in the second WW, esp about the Jews.
Germany tried her and gave her high treason and they executed her by beheading.

dream:
It was a group and we all sat in this room. I started to identify what was happening because they were telling it so loosely and obscurely. When they were telling the events it slowly dawned on me that it was the same story as Sophie Scholl.
except that the Chinese had found out about her actions and informed Germany. and there was no group or pamphlets, just some sort of other treason. and the girl's name wasn't Sophie Scholl. She was nameless in the dream.

Another girl looked like she was from the late 1800s and she explained in detail the whole thing and they sent her over to an incredibly old shelf full of books at least 100 years old. They said, "choose 10 books for our class to read for assignments"
I was sent with her and in the dream at that point our identities seemed to intermittently intertwine. I chose a book with partial blue on its cover. cant remember the title, pretty sure it was a real one, a book that exists in the real world.

Before the act there was a small part after moving from that group that seemed to be a "class" in school of some sorts, except we were really there next to the live action and it was like history in the making.
I went from office to office and my boss was there. We were having a series of meetings with her higher ups. I remember coming in half dressed and only a towel for the bottom half of me. I didnt feel embarrassed about it but I could sense the expectation for it. Then the top-most boss (a man I've never met) was missing pants as well and only had some sort of robe.

Later, it got back to the treason and the trial.
Even though the act seemed to have been done by a female, instead 5-6 young men were being accused. They stood on this large platform and I was off to their right watching. They were strangely being
executed by car, slowly. Stranger was that they had plenty of time to move out of the way. But they were completely still and waiting almost casual. not all died. not sure if any. all were injured. They were all very young, not one more than 25
Two of them switched places almost in betrayal to each other because that meant for one he'd be in direct line of the car and hurt the worst.

I was on the platform with my old high school teacher Mrs. Teut.
There was a lot of the color green around at this time in the dream, esp her.
She was asking questions but not listening to answers since there was so much going on. At first I thought she was being rude but she kept holding my hand, as if everything around were so dangerous and she was really asking questions as a way to be soothing and calming. She was subduing fear.

something kinda Star Wars

large building
13th floor. hiding out from another guy chasing me

man staying in this room on the 13th floor. dark curtains. he was like the secret helper, against the main force in the land. he was an undercover guy. always wore a mask- black
stayed in hotel, on middle floor (13th) room 2-something.

I was running from just one person who was not affiliated with the main dark force in the land. something about this all reminds me of Star Wars.
on my in the hotel I was riding up on an elevator, trying not to be seen by the young dirty blonde haired guy that was chasing me. He was angry, there were lots of people littered in the hallways. someone tld me about his room, though i had no idea he existed when i walked into the hotel. i stumbled across it accidentally. like extremely good luck. he helped me though. there was another asian girl there and a few others wanting his help but they were being chased by greater evil than I was. I just had a pesky man after me, not necessaruly wanting to kill me but he wanted to do harm.
They were wanted dead though so they had it worse off.

there was lots of other stuff but i didnt write this dream down first thing after waking-- fool

naked lady carved into a hill & driving to IN for my brother

I "woke up" (in the dream only not real life) and heard about my brother leaving his vehicle somewhere and he needed to get it in order to get to work.
Well it was 7:00 and I was trying to make it there and back in order to get to Metlife on time. I decided to go help my brother and get his vehicle.
We go out and on the way it's taking longer and longer to get there. I realize after awhile, it is all the way in Indiana. I was mad but I kept going.
Once there it looked more like NYC and the traffic is heavy because some kind of parade is going on.
There's crowds and 100s of cars. I finally found his car a very very LARGE SUV all white. (he really drives a white Jeep in reality)
It was 7:20 by then ( I know totally impossible) and I was thinking, ok we have to hurry or I'll be late for work!
I got in and it was like driving a semi. I started driving super fast to get back on time. I almost tipped the thing over trying to turn onto an exit ramp I needed to go on.
But I missed it and went in this other one. On the way down it I realized it was taking me upwards and we had been routed onto a big huge hill that had a naked lady carved into the top. From afar it probably looks something like the statue of liberty...except sea-nymphish and naked..more sexual. Its seemed like a Hollywood thing or something.
I was like dammit now I am going to be late, stuck up here.
But from atop the hill I saw my way out of the city and which road I needed to take. I was completely lost before and had no idea which road to take out.
Once back down the parade people were blocking the only bridge out so I sat there and waited really annoyed.

That was it, I woke up then

Godzilla trickery and people-eating

[this is all out of order]

being chased by large Godzilla like monsters
hillsides, old houeses... always hiding. on the run FEAR

this was almost last:
shack looks like a workshop, made by little girls before the monsters came. thick bamboo shooting up in the sky, 20 feet tall,
all shoots of bamboo were neon colored: pink green yellow purple. controlled with electric lights, very pretty alluring.
we climbed up to avoid a monster (smaller) that was chasing us.

a stream nearby with brush..most was open pasture and LARGE HILLS> now stuff from before:

one hill he had stored a massive elephant and two flaps you could bury self in. hide. he took one side with my brother i took the other. gnius. the sargeant caem by (lion tamer in a way, except for these large Godzilla like monsters.)
he almost saw me. the elephant was not normal elephant but he was still viious and had a tremendous hunger for people as did the Godzillas.

sun was always just setting, tried to avoid beig next to the windows in the first part we ran from abandoned house to abandoned house trying to hide. it was a group of us at first like 5
later it was only me and this stronger,leader-like guy who kind of looked like Clint Eastwood. he was smart and brave and knew where all the best hiding spots were
he knew whow the Godzillas behvaed and the easiest ways to be seen

the Godzillas had been brought (probably by the sargeant) for one purpose: exploit the people and FEED on them.
they were eating people almost playfully. each Godzilla looked unique. some looked dinosaur like some like dragons some smoother skinned and mor elike a blob.
some could talk/ some could reason
but none seemed to think they were hurting anyone. it was their rght. they had no ability for mercy. if they found you, all you could do was run and try hiding again. once you got that close it was likely you'd die. very likely

the first house I went in was modern and two story. one of our party died here.

the second house was down the hill a bit and looked older.. made of wood almost like a cabin. inside the door were two heavy necklaces made of marble. one black and one white. they had square beads (not perfect squares, more like rounded bumby asymmetrical squares) and a large pndant at hte bottom. cant remember what it was... I took both and next to them was aletter. it was dated from 1929....the exact date I dont know...i tihnk August...like 08/12/1929
the letter opened as "this is all Meredith's fault" meaning a company (not the reall Meredith though just the same name) but in the dream it was not a person. The rest of the letter went on to explain what they had done to cause this. the Godzillas coming.
I sat on a little bench in a room off to the side. it had a window and I was staying low from it but looking out. I could see more Godzillas in the distance and hear explosions....large footsteps.
this house had an archaic feel. an old fire place in the corner.

after I left the second house (which we didnt even need to do. i think we just needed to constantly move.
but I was alone after we left. i got separated somehow. i ended up very close to one of the Godzillas.
but this one was clever and very caniving. he toyed with people as long as possible and even lied to them.
he wasnt as tall as the other Godzillas but he was very calm. he didnt come at you all pounding his feet and loud. people were still terrified. he was snaky and quiet more stealthy, more like he wasn't going to hurt you.
about 500 people were foolishly gathered in a field with a massive tarp. they were all clinging to it and letting it cover them. they thought this protected them but it really could not have drawn more attention.
of course this Godzilla saw it and decided to make a game of it.
he began to lift it, just a little so people began running. He herded like sheep into running into a circle so the tarp floated above them in rotation, like a merry go round. the people below were all screaming, absolutely terrified.
every once in awhile he'd scoop a few people out to eat
just to hold the fear and panic.
they all kept running, staying near the tarp instead of running out and away. They truly believed the tarp would save them.
he went on like this for 5 minutes (or eternity)
until one side began floating up higher and crumpling sideways, leaving everyone competely exposed.
but he didnt kill them all even then.
he ate maybe 1/3 flying in a circle with his mouth gaping open. the people fell into his mouth like he was a fish in water...a whale and they were the helpless school, always staying in a group.

he moved to the middle and still people were only running in a circle, so foolishly. he actually started convincing them that he was full and not going to eat anymore. He lied and smooth-talked. Some were actually believing him.
he sat in the middle of their circle and they all surrounded him. they began to act brainwashed, non-coherent. like they were in a trance...a spell.
one girl with brown hair was young maybe 17 and he told her he'd give her a flight on his back. and he did.
she rode on him and actually looked happy. her faced was elated... he flew and she let the wind blow her hair and she smiled. it was almost like she didnt care that he was about to kill her. he gave her a smooth lovely flight
then he landed on the other side from me, laid her down and bit her head off.
I came around wondering if her whole body was gone. but all he ate was the head. it was vividly gory and bloody, her quiet motionless body and skin still pink and youthful. and a bloody hole where her neck ended and the head was gone.

secret baby memorial/gym memorial for Amber/my dad and my vandalized car/broken amusement park ride

At a woman with dark brown hair, her home. Three story. I’ve never met this woman before. One room had a small door she’d never opened and maybe never noticed. There was light shining through the cracks, illuminating it and making it visible now. I opened it and space inside was very small, only big enough for my body. A second door was inside so I pushed it and it fell flat down instead of hinging sideways. Then there was another. It kept going forward strait in front of me, a succession of 4 tiny doors, all painted white like the rest of the house. The lady who owned the home perceived the door (crawl space) as a threat, like someone infiltrating her home. Finally, at the end, it opened to a tiny area where there was a secret shrine to a baby that had died long ago in the 1800s. It had a small grayish picture and candles unlit. Metallic holders and pewter things. A small window was up above, quite high up and lit up the space. Light all its own. The whole area inside here was no bigger than 4x4 cubic ft very very small and confined. Tight space.
A little pocket of secret… a memorial undisturbed until now.
=============
Gym Amber Morris memorial dance performance.
Bleachers slid apart without warning. VERY UNSAFE
My stuff left in middle: cell phone and hard drive. The performers came out and danced almost on top of it. I tried getting it back but every one though it was my own fault that was out there and that I shouldn’t try and disturb the performance
I was “rude”
Krystal was there but aloof. I assoc her with the dance performance stuff. Spotlight such and such.
=============
School old-fashioned big mean teacher/ female.
I said something like”…..this fucking place” and at the word fucking it was the final straw and she kicked me out. I went out into the street on my own and we seemed to be in NYC or some city. Downtown. There was a parking lot partially paved partially rundown…shitty neighborhood inside the school didn’t seem as shitty and low but now I was out in the parking lot I saw it.
I looked for my car but could not find it. My dad Steve showed up with Joey
He laughed and said it was on the end covered in the “case” which was a hug plastic
Yellow
Damaged BAD cracked glass with tiny holes…like bullets. I barely touched it and it fell more.
Claw marked shaped like fingers drug through butter on my hood.
I didn’t even look at the back yet. People sitting inside…like it was their car. Like I had no right to be mad about it. This was everyday. I shouldn’t have something that nice.
I was wondering how to fix it who would pay for it.
But I just yelled at them about driving to work like that with the wind hitting my coming through the pretty much non-existent windshield.
Then we wre moving (though later we never went anywhere)
And the glass slowly cascaded into our faces. It seemed oddly pleasant.

SSN 141 -- 1111 long strip of yellowish paper like manila envelope paper.

Father…thought it was my dad at first but it was his dad my gpa/
Shack…their home. Right there on the edge of the parking lot
Bones still inside.
Partially burned down. Wall tore out. Figurines in rubble. I was looking through the dust finding out about them
He was around the corner telling about theses people but he started before I realized so I missed a lot. I came close and tried to listen. He didn’t seem to notice me. I couldn’t hear any of what he said about them. I gathered only that they were his parents….I think …I might be wrong
==================
Amusement park ride just off to the side more. Kept slowly spinning at the end of the ride and catching my ankle. Putting me onto the ride unsecured. VERY DNAGEROUS once again
We spun and I stayed on only by my own grip. Which wasn’t vey tight I was terrified I’d fall. She kept turn four color coded levers to move us….jerky and unstable motions…she wasn’t a real operator of the machine… she was doing something unsafe. Every one though it was a blast and didn’t seem to notice or just did not care that I was in high danger of getting killed.

dream I had the morning after Icarus died.

to be finished more later:


trains
dock water
large kid kicking me off
city

tall staircases

killing for Joe Pesci

we went to my old house on 494 McKimber, south of Pleasantville. There was a couple living there, asleep in their beds upstairs in the master bedroom.
we went there to kill them, as group of us. i didnt want to but it was like i was someone else. i wasnt supposed to be there. it was llike my mind was not my own.
all the other people in the group were male and Joe Pesci was ringleader.
in real life i find him so funny..but he was terrifying in the dream

we walked into the kitchen (first room at the main door)
and then went into the bathroom which was the only place that didnt look as it does in reality it actually kind of looked liek a mix of the kitchen, at the bottom of the stairs...as if there was a foot rest there. we stopped to go over our plan. I had my huge purse and it felt extra heavy. I also had a brown paper bag with a gun inside. there were some other things but i never looked at them. I was going to be the one to go up and shoot them and i was afraid about it.

the time came and i walked up the stairs. everything was dark and the moonlight came in the windows. when i got to the landing I heard a small click and saw all this black smoke start billowing out into each of the bedrooms. not on me or where i was standing, just in the rooms. it was seeping out to where i was fast. i knew it would kill those people instead of my gun. i had an eerie feeling it was meant to kill em too/
i ran down the stairs and joe pesci was laughing at me, telling me i was so easy to fool. he threw some water-like substance at me (clear) and it hit me in the lips, instantly making them numb. It staretd seeping into my body and and felt sluggish. I started running (without my purse which bugged me to not have my stuff) and without the gun and paper bag.
my legs were heavy and i started feeling dizzy. i had to fight so hard to get out the door fast enough before they could grab me. I ran to their truck, a brown rugged thing. HUGE and all beat up. it was rusty and loud. somehow I had the keys in hand and i saw that one of his henchmen had run out the door after me. i was frustrated that my body woudlnt work and that i almost could pass out.
luckily the door was left unlocked so i woudlnt have to unlock it with the key and take too long. there was no keyless entry so id have to fumble with turning the lock by hand. I got in and hit lock on the door's button so he couldnt open the door after me. i backed out and whipped around so quick...almost supernaturally...inhuman.
i saw the guy rnning after me on the lawn, along side me, and he got to the end where the big hill was.
i turned left and slammed the gas, moving fast down the road. I thought I got away...
but then i looked back and saw that he had managed to jump in the back somehow and he was still with me. He tried reaching in through the back window to grab me. I tried not to crash. i felt so disappointed, so small and helpless that i couldnt get away..so powerless. AH! i swurved and slammed my brakes trying to make him fall out. but he hung on and when i got up to the stop sign i woke up, still

It all seemed like I was fast enough to not die , but never fast enough to really get away.

TVs on hills/mega-launching jumps/ Krystal and the red hot jobs sign

this is in backwards order-

i was at a place that seemingly was a giant pool bu looked more like a lake. it was supposed to be fun but i was actualyl very sad and felt quite alone. i spent a lto fo time trying to make ppl understand me.
there was a mostly red signon one hil that sad HOT HOT JOBS HERE like a mini billboard. Krystal camped out near it sort of like "working"
I told her getting close to the sign was no the way t get the job and she seemed pissed at me for saying that.
kind look like a golf course in that area. i saw where the trees parted and it seemed more "natural" like we really were in the woods. off to my right and i briefly wished Gabe was there because i felt like he would understand my need more a more natural swim like a lake. no one there was my friend, everyone seemed to hate my views, my desire to be natural.

i had this amazing ability to swim underwater for long periods of timewithout having to hold my breath long. i could carry a bubbe in front of my face and breath that air. Ifelt good to swim under the water, like a fish, like i was a creature of the underwater. no one else could go here. i swam to the other side like that and saw a dark figure like someone was sitting onthe bottom. it was a girl, i had my eyes opened and everything was clear as a bell. like i had goggles on but i didnt.
she sat with her eyes closed/ brown hair.
i wrapped my arms around her and pulled up. i though she was drowning but when we got to the surface she started scareaming at me for nvading her provacy. she didnt want to be saved. she was really angry that i pulled her up. so left her alone. I said something alone these lines:
"All I was trying to do was help. Next time when you really are drowning I'll leave you alone then, because that's what you've asked me to do"
She suddenly looked like she felt bad, like this hadn't occured to her. I secretly thought Id save her anyway but didnt say it.
I left.

I went to shore and this is where I ran into Krystal and the hot jobs sign that was completely red painted. She was annoyed at my reason. She wanted to feel like she was "doing" something. Like waiting there for that job was the best and smartest thing. I tried implying it made her like a slave and she was missing out on the water, the "natural" water and that she was stuck up on this hill in a more amusement park looking land, waiting and waiting for something that will never come. She was angry with me for telling her that. I kept saying if you want the jb standing next to the sign wont get it. this is silly. no one is watching you here. but she wouldnt understand

when i returned to the water'd edge i saw it was more cliff like over on this side and the water was deep right away there, instead of gradually going deep as you went out.
I jumped in and got out a few times. every time I'd plunge down really deep and take a moment to drift back up.
On one last jump i kicked my legs down right away wanting to come back up sooner. to my surprise, it launched me back out of the water with super force. like a mega-jump launching into air. i flew higher than when i had first jumped in...with the momentum of a giant rubber band, flinging me up. I felt like i was being thrown into the sky. i felt a little afraid but thrilled too, wondering the power of a jump like that. i didnt even kick down as hard as i could.

before the this water (lake-like) section...i was in anther place of lots of water but this one was much more pool-like than the other. I was alone again and my mom was there.

Sarah H. game cards...board games in the water. she was looking for me. laughing about something in the past.
She was the only person that was truly making me feel comfortable. everyone else seemed to hate me in a secretive way
ic ant remember the rest very well.


before that was no water but outdoors in a foresty place with large hills. there was a long path that spanned over three large hill downward...meant to be sledded down at high speed. the long hill.
the path had a TV at each edge planted...it makes no sense physically now. but it did work.
i started messing with the TV andonce i touched it it lost its stability and i couldnt place it on the ledge as it was before so it wouldnt fall. then someone told me it was never one the ledge, bt on a platform out form the hill's edge a bit and facing the other way, so you'd see it as you come down. this made more logical sense but i could swear it was on the ledge and facing out, really. i could SWEAR i saw it that way...but i was made to feel wrong... like it was a delusion. i coulndt put the TV back.
this whole time a little boy was trying to go down this hill. i was trying to make sure he wouldnt be hrt since the hill was kind of dangerous.
he never actually got hurt but there was always this feeling of the danger of getting hurt.

she hit the FLOOR!

Ashley painted my Macbook keyboard back while I was asleep. I was so upset and I yelled at her.
My mom looked at me with true hatred couldnt understand why I was so mad.
they all thought I was being a baby.
i peeled it off by hand the paint was still gooey. it had a foam layer. but it stained the keyboard. I accidentally poked trough the bottom. i couldnt believe she did that. she thought it looked awesome.
i kept saying," You cant just go and treat something liek its yours!! I paid $1200 for this!"
i remember trying to scratch it off first and it came off thickly bt was still gray underneath from stain. then there was foam under that....it was weird.

stage later-I stood to get food from a table at an event at the samw momwnt the singer said, "if anyone knows this song stand up! and they mistakingly thought I wanted to come up.
It was tha terrible rap usher sounding crap.
it has the lyrics "she hit the floor" "asking for more"
"I'll look it up later...)


[UPDATE: song is "Low" by Flo Rida....sucky shitty song and
it doesnt have the "asking for more" lyrics i guesss i added that myself]


apparently no one else stood so that is why I was mistaken for the one hwo wanted to go up.
I went with it thinking it could be fun. I sang even though I sucked and danced my way up to the stage.
the crowd was silent.
i didnt care.
NExt-
fences by Phoenix we sang but I could see the lines up on the screen for the next song and it was reading as 1901 but the fences song played instead.

there was a black box of shit that he had (this main guy on stage who brought me u) full uof stuff they performed with
he needed a headset insytead of a cord mic to go out into the crowd with. he took the last one. Other perprmers came by a nd eeded one and complainefd about how shitty he ekep the box and how he sucked at his job.
i looked in the box (more like a crate)
and saw little broken pieces of pens and cellphones. chunks of plastc and screws and bolts. There was a small piece as big an an Italian chamr bracelet that looked exactly like my cell phones outer screen.

I threw some of the junk out for him
chewed on one piece wondering if they'd find my saliva.

i was dancing nd having fun on stage but there were only like 20 people I suddenly realized. and no ne of them were looking and cared. there was a n amber colored light now...like a fancy dinner.
earlier it had that dark blueish lights of a concert. where its pitch all arond and just splnters of lights in different colors.

before that i have just fragments of being at some kidn of camp... running outside. dirt, clay-like, bright tan
some sort of danger...sneaking to do wat I wanted. being disapproved of by people.

vending machine

vending machine
bigger bottles on right side cost over 2 dollars like 2.23 or so
all other cots $1.68 reg 20oz bottles of soda.
paid in all dimes, placed on shela, wooden
black plastic
A&W/ new leaf tea

bldg abndoned, watching man walk through
i had seeb it before but h hadnt, i knew al that was coming in each room.
1 room had an old classroom. he saw the books above he door and knew it would be sad, so he prayed
he looked a lot like John Locke from Lost
i think it migt have actually been him. there was a small word in the bttom right of "screen"
in gothic-ish print. "hell" or some word like that.
in orange and yelow shadowed text. almost like Word Art.

the mornings of my life are not conducive to dream recall...AT ALL

every morning, I wake up on the inside of the bed and then there's an alarm blaring and Dan going about getting ready. Then cats are meowing. Of course, there's also my instantly buzzing brain, flagrant to leave behind any thought in my head...speeding full-force into what I'm supposed to do today...get up, get showered, get dressed...DRIVE 30 minutes. MAKE IT TO WORK ON TIME!!!
There are tons of distractions. I find it much harder now at this point in my life to reflect on dreams then ever before. No other time in my life has been so full of inhibitions and detours. Things that almost WANT me to forget.

So, as you may have already gathered, I forgot my dream last night. And it was intense.

The first part was something about my mom (that was the most important part)
I'm intensely irritated that it's gone. There was a negative aspect to it.

Another later part was getting on facebook at work only to discover they rigged up an alarm system to all our computers that go off beeping (not too loud but still embarrissingly annoying) whenever you get on the site.
someone said, "Oh, why'd you get on facebook?"
I lied and said it was accidental. yeah right.

stealing money and avoiding death on an orange track

first part was stealing money with KC a girl I went to HS with. I cant remember who we stole it from. But it was in a small case. might have been no more than $20-30,000
that seemed like a small amt in dream. the sky was grayish and we threw it into the lake for safe keeping. when we took it out everything was soggy. it was difficult getting it back. the money was folded into envelopes the tall way so the bills still looked long. it was tucked in them in uneven amount in an unorganized manner.

we had it all lying on a table and my mom walked out of the house of this porch. little medium brown-wooded deck. one table with black painted steel chairs. all the colors seemed harsh and cold. i was trying to be nonchalant so my mom woudlnt realize what I had and that i was a theif, she never knew.
Dan was suddenly with me and the money was gone.
Joan called me crying, saying someone in her family had shunned her and wouldnt talk to her now. she didnt have a home to sleep in so wanted to stay with us at our apartmentin Indianola. she was crying as she talked.

later I was a young guy, probably age 22 or so. I had an east coast accent, like I was from NY. I was either Italian or some sort of mixed Mexican or maybe Puerto Rican. I had dark brown hair and eyes and was tall, very tall. a little younger than I am now. But i was a boy and somehow i had the rap for what I had done earlier. I was very afraid, walking down sidewalks quickly and with 2 friends. Janet(my gma who is dead now) was ahead but had a separate sense to her. she wasnt "with" our group but i definitely knew her. she was alone...i think
after us a group of black ladies came into this bike trail we were all on. there was a small wire fence on the edges. still grayish sky and somber colors
wet cold miserable...sad
they were talking about killing her because they were so angry with her. she had done something and they wanted revenge or retaliation or something. the shortest of the black ladies was the most firey. they were agging her on, encouraging.
she was the "boss" leader of that group though ironically the smallest/ she was full of hate.

soemone was after me as well. a group of guys about the same age were following me. they seemed to not be looking at me but i knew it was a ploy. they wanted to catch me off guard. i was still well ahead of them and they didnt want to run to get to me because it would draw attention. we reached a outdoor track. like for sports to run on and such. it had tall gates all around it, like a tennis court.
the track was painted orange with stark white lines. it was a large track not like normal. over a mile. maybe like 3 miles in one.
alady stood in the middle like she worked there and was "on duty" or something...like a lifeguard of sorts.
i started walking faster and when i came to the first corner i ran. she yelled at us (which makes no sense cause tracks are for runnnig)
so we slowed. the guys following us slowed as well.
did i say i had 2 friends with me?
i looked through the fence at the sky starting to think about our lives and shouted "Do ever stop to think about what we have, how lucky we are?"
we rounded corner and the ones behind started speeding up again. we walked faster and they got closer and closer. i saw how there was a path down the middle of the track. i cut sharply into it and made my way across to escape.
they were close by then, still trying not to gather attention yet.
then the dream ends before they get to me.




fragments:
i was a boy- young with an accent (Eastern like NY)
$$with kc
stealing
underwater
bills in suitcase soggy
foldedd tall, rubber bands
my mom came out to see didnt quite realize


track, someone trying to kill/ cut through middle
Joan wanting to stay the night. calling me crying someone wont talk tp her cold shoudler
small short woman after Janet she had 3 other black girls/ friends with her. they were encouraging her
bik trail
isolated vulnerable
walk faster tunrs into run
me with 2 other guys
we get yelled at by young lady working at this track- painted orange
"Did you ever stop to think about what we have, how lucky we are?" im shoutng. Im upset
im afraid for my life.

false waking.

i have a bad headache, that part is real. i fell asleep with it and its worse now that im awake.

the last part of my dream was waking up to record my dream. the sun was shining really brightly through the window, like it couldb spring.
i reached over for my computer and when i looked back there it still was on the night stand. I opened it and iTunes began to play and I realized it was Dan's even though it looked whte on the outside. i looked at the ouside a 2nd time and finally saw the silver taht it really is. there were a few web pages open from when he was last on and itunes automatically started playing like i said. (it doesnt reall do that in real llife)
the song was "Before I knew Stars Shined" by Stereolab. which is not a real song. There is one called "...sudden stars"
I skipped it and then it played "Meant to Live" by Swithfoot.
I close it and got mine and finally woke up for real to record my dream

The dream was working at the IA state fair, selling meat. prokchops i think. I took over for my dad after i walked up unexpectedly to his table. I had no idea he would be there and selling things. i gave him some tips and began myself to sell.
when the next day came i woke up at my grandma sharon's and the sun was brightly shining.it was just before 8 AM>
eeryone was getting ready for their real jobs and they were all late. i remember thinking it wasnt much time for me either because i start at 8:30. i was goint to my Metlife job instead of the fair.
i lay back on the couch thinking of the dream i had before. in my dream again trying to remember the dream
which i cannot truly remember


the dream was about working at the fair, but there was a small part before that:
all snow melted, green grass--
just the part about someone's very green backyard that appeared at this time of year. and it was odd sicne its winter and theres snow everywhere.

(my head hurts bad this morning... like almost migraine. i feel it in my sinus.)

million-dollar gum.

in a field there were hundreds of dresses pinned to trees. some had fallen into the grass but none were ruined. They all had various ribbons on them because they had all won prizes. teh contest was already over and the owners of the dresses wwere not around.
it looked like at the fair. all the exhibits...
There were a large ggroup of us people (none of which owned the dresses) and we started picking them up and putting htem back
one dress i picked up had a piece of gum atttached so i ate it. it tasted different than any other gum
later the people came by angry that that gum was gone, claiming it was worth a million dollars. it was sweet pea flavored and they wanted to know where it was. i remember thinking it was a little weird tasting but not good enough to be worth that.
i felt sorry but never told anyone. i had no idea.
the dress with million dollar gum pinned was a white dress with a peach colored ribbon for fourth place.
i dont know if thats the real color for how that system works
another dress i picked up had a a blue ribbon and it was maroon. It was simpler and looked almost too casual...not as elaborate as the other. i coudlnt understand how it got 1st.

An iPhone, chase-hide, naked girls swimming in frozen ponds

It was Christmas in a different house than I've ever lived in. someone gave me an iPhone except it looked diff than the real one. it was bulkier and it could flip open to a litle compartment. inside was an additional smaller phone that looked a lot likw the Motorola razor i have now. but ti wasnt the same, just similar. i played with the iPhone and felt like it was a big gift. It came with a large toolbox (i have no idea why...makes no sense) but they were a hand in hand gift. The tool box was filled with Hector's old tools. I could tell when it was bought the box was empty so they just filled it with some tools they had...they were still nice, just dusty with age

skip to:
three levels to this building. yellow green colors
went on the eleevators to trick them. i pushed 2 and it went nowhere because thats the floor we were already on. then i hit 3.
the "close door" button worked really fast which was a relief considering they were chasing me and trying to get to me.
so I acted like I was going up to hte 3rd floor. but when i got htere i held the doors sht and stayed inside. then i went back down and they werent expecting that.
when i looked at the buttons the numbers went up to 48 but down instead of up, so it was 48 floors into the ground, like basement levels. but those buttons wouldnt work. i could only got to the 3 floors above ground. i don't know why.

when i got of the elevator at the ground floor no one saw me so this was my chance to hide.
i saw som winding stairs that went off to the side and down. so i scurried on over.
it got darked as i went down, no lights.
the stairs only went down one level and not into any rooms. it was just like a very tiny storage. but i hid there anyway. it didnt lead to the 48 floors below.
I kept hidding under stairs. pitch black. two people were suddenly with me: a ful grown man and one small girl child. I also had two stuffed animals: bear and large something else. I used it to hide my face.

pretending to be a king and his daughter when we left so we woudlnt be caught. i realized i left my bags inside which includied the iPhone. there was no way to get it since we worked so hard to get away. this man was the same man as inside and the little girl was gone. she was almost ghost-like. but he seemed very real.

leaving through miles of snow. at one point there was a break in the snow and the water unerderneath was pink. i went up the hill so i wouldnt fall through. theer was tiny bitsof dried dead grass poking through the snow. i saw off t my left further away three yong girls wimming where the water had come through more and it actually looked like a litle pond. They didnt sem to think it was cold. I could see goosebumps on there skina nd i wondered if they just pretended not to be cold or if they reall coildnt feel it. they were entirely naked....they kind of reminded me of sirens or some kind of mytholocgical creatures...except they didnt speak or sing to me. They seemed to not see me at all. They looked compketely human too, not like some sort of human imitation or anything...They were laughing and making H.S. girl jokes with each other. i went on.mom was with me on my way out but she soemhow was gone by the time i got to that building. it was tough terrain. it really suckedto get through. but now on my way back i was alone and on foot.

first full dream.

This one starts in winter as it is now. I'm driving my car through the countryand up and down hills.
sense of danger there, sense of it being hard toget through.
I come into the city then and there's a sub way overpass ahead, lik in Chicago.
van behind me, man in it was in a horrible wreck but his van was intact. ther was a voiceover telling me about it, like someone tellling an old story from long ag, bt i still get to act in the normal day. I parked on te street in front of the gray van
backing up slowly and always messing it up. id be out of alignment with it or sticking ou to much intot he street.
then i pulled to where I thought was close to the an but ended up being really far awau from it. and i couldnt see it until I got out and looked.

once inside the building, there was somekin of schol settign that looked something like my elementRy halls in pville.
in one room which seems connected to the school but is reall someones home. a guy i used to hve a crush on a long time ago is there. he's sitting on his bed first, thne we atart talking. he starts listening to this music thats mostly love songs, ists one bad but thy ave lovey feel, it kind of reminds me of Deftones but i dont think the band is a real one. i cant remember the name. i could see it bove my head in the form of iTunes and one song was called "Virgin" at the very bottom of the list.
innocent sort of flirting, i could sense he likeed me.
"Got You Where I want you" come to mind, that song.
he was sweet to me though and i could sense that tender geuine liking.
there was a shower in his room and I took a shower to get ready for hte next day. first it was private with the curtain pylled but then it sort of sloely peeled away and he was right there... but it wasnt awkward or wrong. it didnt seem to bother either of us and it wasnt sexual in anyway. he elft me alone for the most oart but we were still clowning aound together.
curtain was plasticy white, almost like a cream colot.
it was oddly placed int he center of his nedroom. Then it disappeared after i got out. he was sitting on his ned then and i looked at the coc and aw that it was 11:3o i said something about it being late and tat i needed to go home to go to bed for school tomorrow, He seemed really disappointed but tried to hide it.
we kept flirting still and it was simple...like little kids. it felt nice though just being so innocent like that.
i cant rmember the band... it was his wa of sayin ghe liked me, by playing those songs. they were very suggestive of love.

dream recall inhibition (sucks!)

Last night's dream is lost to me and that's how it's been lately. I've had terrible trouble getting back in touch with my dreaming mind. I used to do it so well, remembering elaborately and in full detail. Lately, stress and morning rushes has hushed it all away so it's damn near impossible to attain now. In the past few months, or maybe it's really been the past year... ever since I started working at Metlife and have this 35-minute drive every morning, I've lost the ability to get my dreams other than a few wispy snippets. It's like only getting 3% time and time again, which is so frustrating.

I found a list on how to recall dreams better and thought it was valid considering I spent over two years writing down my dreams daily. But that was back HS days...adult stress really puts a damper on everything! #5 has a key point in what will help me now, so I can get back into this:

1. Prepare. Put a notebook and pencil by the bed and date the page with tomorrow's date before falling asleep. If you'd rather not use a notebook, a tape recorder is another option. This action tells your Dream Self, "I'm listening!"

2. Affirm. As you are falling asleep, affirm, "I will sleep well and dream, and in the morning I will recall my dreams." This is setting an intention to remember.

3. Record Right Away. If you half-wake in the night with some dream recall, write down or record the dream immediately. If you prefer not to do this in the middle of the night, at least run through the dream in your mind and mentally note the key elements, affirming that you will remember these upon awakening. Dreams are fleeting - the sooner you record them, the better your chances of remembering.

4. Wake Gently. If at all possible, wake naturally, without an alarm. If you must use an alarm, try using soft music or ambient sounds instead of a buzzer. If using any kind of alarm, turn it off immediately rather than leaving it playing in the background where it can distract you from remembering your dreams.

5. First Thought for Dreams. Upon waking, think back to what was just in your mind instead of thinking forward to your to do list for the day. Once your mind starts racing ahead, your chances of remembering a dream are all but lost.

6. Stay Drowsy. Stay in the half-awake, half-asleep state as long as you can. Keep your eyes closed and move slowly through your common sleeping positions to stimulate dream recall. I often recall three separate dreams by lying on my right side, my back and my left side - a different dream for each position.

7. Daily Dream Journaling. Write something in your journal every morning, even if you don't recall a dream. Write down the feelings, emotions, phrases, images or snatches of music that come to mind upon first awakening. These vague fragments are often partial dream recall. In addition, you are reaffirming the message, "I'm listening," to your Dream Self.

8. No Censoring. Don't censor or dismiss what you remember as meaningless, too small or too silly to record. Every dream has meaning and even the smallest fragment can bring a huge "Aha!" when honored and explored.

9. Sleep Well. Depression, anxiety, stress, work overload, alcohol, drugs and prescription medications can all interfere with dream recall. Do what you can to minimize these interferences. 10. Practice, practice, practice. The more you work at recalling, recording and honoring your dreams, the easier and more natural dream recall becomes.

list by Claire M. Perkins
from http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Ten_Tips_for_Dream_Recall.html

fragment

The first dream posted on here could be better, but I simply cannot remember any more than this, my dream from last night:

lemonade
dresses
being in some kind of fitting room with low yellow lights
dresses were white and lacy. something about trying them on and not liking it...

Purpose

This blog has been made in an effort to record my dreams. I'll try to record them as much as possible and as soon as I can in the mornings, but that isn't always easy, especially if the dream is long and elaborate. A long time ago I used to record my dreams on paper with pen (sometimes pencil which sucked) and those feverish scribbles are stowed away on a shelf and happily so. There are probably a hundred pages worth. I'm really glad I still have them. It's quite a useful thing to get in touch with dreams, trying to unravel their complexity and understand yourself better.

Just so you know, this entry will probably be the clearest of all as, if anyone who's recorded dreams before knows, writing down dreams is insane! There will tons of grammatical errors and misspellings and run-ons galore.
I partially took the idea from Brookers. she created one of these blogs about 2 years ago and I recently discovered it. Her's is at http://mydreams.blogdrive.com/

Although she used a picture from photobucket as her background and that acct holder has been inactive so the pic is gone and it's making that blog look terrible. You have to highlight it all in order to read it now.
Anyway, thanks Brookers.

And goodbye clearly written, well-phrased blogging.
it's going to get intense and obscure in here.

prepare for extremely abstract...