Hotel Dark

Dreamed early morning hours of 11-20-2012

This one, like many other begins in a hotel. Hotels seem to have a significant symbol in dreams.
I think hotel represent an aspect of myself- the same way that house represents self. Except hotel is bigger and more public and less privacy, less sense of identity you can imprint upon it. A house you can make your own. But hotels provide a temporary fulfillment. And all marks of human existence are erased from it after each stay.  Moby has an album where he talks about this concept more which always fascinated me. And the thoughts seem to creep in my dreams when I'm trying to discover my sense of self, my identity- public and private.

So, hotel.
I am running, exploring probably going in a few rooms I shouldn't. The building is old and enormous. Lots of stairs, darker lighting. The hotel is sectioned off into two main parts and one of the two halves is reserved for a college. It vaguely resembles the twin towers. I venture over to the college portion, less guests, less of the general public: out-of-bounds.  At first I sort of pretend to just be a student. I take an elevator and it travels remarkably fast but it isn't fun. It's dangerous and I can feel it surging upward with such a force I am almost positive it's going to shoot right through the roof and into the sky. And it does, but the cart is attached to large springs and it almost feels more like a poorly designed funhouse carnie kind of ride. Poor architecture masked with grandeur.

I go down stairs, avoiding guards and all other people. It's getting later. I find a deserted stairwell that's almost black it's so dark and no windows nearby. I want to go down and see the basement. But I hear someone in the next room which is somewhat designed like a formal dining room. It looks English.
The person comes and goes but a different door off to my left catches my eye. I come to it and open it slowly and see that instead of a room it's a field.  with grass and trees and even a light wind. But i know it isn't the real outdoors. This building is in the middle of the city. There would in no way be a field. The grass is slightly neon tinted, eerie and just hints at being unnatural. But to anyone just walking and not really looking closely, it looks real enough. A boy comes up to me innocently and at first I worry that he will attract attention and get us caught and thrown out. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. But we are alone and no one is running up to make us leave. It's quiet like a perfect calm dusk. It's pleasant in this mock-outdoors. We start walking together. Faintly getting acquainted. He's about my age but slightly younger. We walk around a bend, marked by a dirt curved path. There are a few towering trees and also some birch trees. We are a long ways off from that door I entered now which seems to have closed by itself because I can't see it in the distance. I don't care. This place is interesting.
We walk, starting to feel very separate from the hotel and in a sort of sanctuary. It's nice. We even feel a little happy, kind of exploring like kids. Then I see headlights coming. Someone see us?  We duck lower but the headlights are coming our way. They must know we're here! We run and he drops a pocketknife. It's a dark wood and old-fashioned. He doesn't stop to get it. I feel encumbered by worrying about it while he clearly doesn't care. We keep running. I try to run for the door but he decides differently and runs towards a shadowy part of the area where there is a lot more bush and thick trees and less of this moony light. It's a bit ominous over there. I don't really want to go that way. He doesn't look back to see if I follow him. He just presses on determinedly. He seems to know exactly where he's going. Before I can decide what I am going to do the little golf car is upon me and it's an old man who surprisingly is not angry at me. He just says I should leave and also "stick to the light"  And then I notice for the first time that there is a distinct pattern to the light. It's always in patches, as if there are street lamps but there are none. And most of it is by the door I first came in, which, has seemed to suddenly appear again. I take a few steps towards it thinking I should best take the safe route and just get out while I'm still not in trouble. The man in the golf car says "your friend jumped into the eye. he chose the more difficult path"  I take some steps towards the place he had gone. I see a kind of valley in the distance but it's hard to make out. I walk down a bit more trying to see this "eye" he meant. I figure it must be a nickname for a landmark. The ground starts sloping down and makes me walk faster until I break into more of a jog and then a full-out run. I'm scared I can't stop but feel this odd urge to run.  Then I reach a kind of edge, maybe cliff and instead of panicking and trying to stop myself I jump, and I jump hard, upward and suddenly from absolutely nowhere a large parachute bursts from behind me and I start floating down. (kind of reminds me of the chutes in Assassin's Creed) Within seconds I see the eye he mentioned though it's not a natural formation. It's a large human eye that must be hundreds of feet wide, darting around and taking in the scene around it. I stare, awestruck sort of amazed and horrified at the same time. Then this weird pull in the air, like magnetism, starts sucking me towards the eye which is now looking straight at me. (this eye kinds of reminds me of that giant one in Lord of the Rings except it's not red and fiery but it is like a gateway... also kind of like the gates in Oblivion, the Elder Scrolls game) It continues to pull me closer and closer until I pass right through the pupil like a hole.  so black.

everything is black. seems like nothingness
then I am in another scene. It's an apartment and I have 3 other people with me including the boy I saw earlier. We seem to know each other and act like it. It's weird in dreams sometimes strangers are just there as filler, like in reality you have no idea who they are but in the dream you act as a group. You already have your acquaintance established.
The 4 of us are alone at first. Then a small boy runs in. He doesn't seem to see or hear any of us. He can't see us at all. It's like we aren't really there. His mother soon follows him in and he looks very unhappy and uncomfortable. He twists with the unmistakable air of reluctance. I wonder at this odd behavior. Then the mother sits beside him on the bed and puts her arm around him. They say nothing. The boy still looks tense and won't look her in the face. She grabs his tiny hand and presses it to her heart, something that appears endearing.... then she slides it down further so that she's making him touch her inappropriately. The boy seems to snap into this automatic mode and all the emotion leaves his face. He starts to undo her shirt without her asking and she leans back as if enjoying it. The 4 of us continue to stand there watching this sexual abuse feeling like we all swallowed worms. But we're invisible people, standing in on what seems to be another time, something separate. The mother doesn't see or hear us either. The boy keeps touching her with a blank expression but with a strange dexterity in his hands like he's done this a lot of times before.  Her shirt is off and bra too and soon enough all her clothes.
She crouches on all fours and soon the boy is (god this is hard to write but it was in the dream so... )
he's performing cunnilingus.  And I can see her vulva and it's taken on this almost supernaturally grotesque form. It very enlarged, almost like testicles and it's so dark it's almost black and it's spiked with hundreds of tiny bumps. It looks almost like a weapon. It looks disgusting and certainly not human.
Then they fade away, in thin air. We sit there astounded. What happened?
Suddenly we see the same boy except he's older now, probably 16-17 and he's naked. He has a girl in the room, blonde with it in a pony tail. The sun is brighter outside and they are in swim suits, well partially. You can tell they'd been swimming all day. Young people at the beach. They are in this truly adolescent embrace of having sex without experience- maybe almost like it's a rebellion. In walks that same mother suddenly except she looks a little older and she is livid. She starts screaming immediately and looks as if she wants to kill the girl more than kill her son. Jealous?
Then they all fade away.  We wait for another scene. But minutes pass. Nothing comes.
What did we just see?  And how?   Were those memories?  None of us has questioned yet how we got there or how we all came together. The other 3 decide to move on.  I look through the boy's other window while they talk. His bedroom has two windows one at the head of his bed which was the more obvious window. Then he had a smaller one with the curtains more drawn that was above the dresser. I walked up to it and for the first time realize that the view from this window is not the outdoors but another hallway. and it's lined with doors, and they are all numbered.  another apartment?  I barely have time to think anymore about this because they other 3 have decided we are all pressing on and right now. Okay, okay.  But I was curious about that hallway and those doors. Seems like a separate place than this though it is placed right next to it. Everything is so weird.
We get maybe 15 steps from his bedroom into a different hallway that seems to lead back outside when I realize that I had a cell phone on me the whole time and I had set it down in the boy's bedroom and forgotten it there. I want to go back. They don't want to wait for me. I go back anyway knowing they will probably leave me. I feel encumbered once again by possessions. But I want the phone.
I get to the room and see the phone sitting on the dresser but before I can even touch it I hear loud footsteps from the other side, not my 3 friends. This is one person, alone, and coming fast... I don't think this is a memory.  BAM! the bedroom door flies open and in walks that same woman, the mother except she is very old now and much taller. Like all this whole scene was slightly miniature to reality.

I grab a small mattress and try to hide under it but it's no use. She's already seen me. 

She starts screaming "what are you doing in here?!?" But I'm more distracted that she has the same dark brown eyes as the one I has come in through as a portal. One of her eyes is glass though and bright blue. As if she took out her real eye to make that portal. But it was definitely her eye out there acting as a portal. We've traveled into her mind, her dark places, her memories. I think she's going to kill me. I;m not sure what she will do. But before I can decide what to say to her I wake up from the fear of her storming in.  It felt like the devil rushing up on you. Terrifying!


Something about this dream gave me a feeling of, well other people can be consumed in their own darkness and it's hard to get to them and they often lock you out. And it's scary to get that close to so much evil. But under it is still someone who is every bit as human as you are.  Even though that woman truly scared the shit out of me, I immediately started feeling somewhat sorry for her after I woke. Sympathy for the devil?  She'd done something terrible to her son, yes. But why? And she seemed to feel some remorse or at least shame, since she was harvesting all these memories and hiding them away.
Dipping into her mind really reminded me of the Pensieve in Harry Potter. It was the same kind of entry   and also no one within the scene hears or sees Harry.
More later, probably edits... That's all for the time being.

moon clown. factory funhouse experiment

Prologue
The trouble with relaying dreams is that most elements of the dream reference highly personalized notions. My dreams sometimes center on a fragment of an idea or a certain color, or conjure intense emotion that I can't validly explain afterwards... I begin unraveling the "events" of the dream and retell it in the western style (event-centered so you're asking always "what happens next?" and all your motive to watch centers on getting your questions answered) and as the events take form and fall in order I can't seem to grasp with my waking mind why I felt so afraid or sad during the dream.
A lot of times, also, my brain pulls a very old memory or even recycles a dream I've had before, almost like to reiterate to me whatever the dream's purpose. Dreams are so easy to forget about, especially with our busy lives and the quick wake-ups we do, but I can't seem to shake how important I feel dreams are. Though my blog has been sparse lately, I've recorded quite a few over the last year via voice recording- which is faster and more accessible. Although impossible to transcript. I did two maybe and it took forever so I gave up. My dreams function in many ways. It works out my emotional turmoil and stress in lush vibrant images that lack plot but are fully saturated with meaning. I think the nature of any dream is specific to the dreamer. It's like an art... When I dream it seems the most highly creative parts of my brain turn on and make things I can't make deliberately. It feels almost like someone else put those dreams there and certainly I didn't create anything that lovely. Even the scary dreams are lovely- which brings me to this morning.
The dream I had this morning woke me a bit after 6am. Seems anymore I don't have a dream I think about all day but I have spent all day thinking of this. It scared me so bad I couldn't fall asleep again. Though thinking through it, it's hard to relay what exactly was so scary...

DREAM
I am with a group of people I don't know in reality. A tall skinny guy, a heavy-set black girl and two other indistinct strangers. It's evening, sun just setting and we are coming upon this enormous building. Can't even take the whole thing in with one look. How we got there and how we heard of it are irrelevant- we're just there and very curious.
Outside it seems to invite what's inside. And that's the thing about this place- it's constant allure, it's pull, it's mystery. It's sinister but desirable. You can't stifle your urge to go further.
The whole yard is silent except for us and we walk slowly, absorbing everything with care yet utmost fascination. Outside is what looks like a playground- most of it made of sun-washed wood... like it's been there a very long time. And the building, though very old looking, doesn't look run down. The windows are intact and there's no overgrowth. It's plain and looks like upkeep is done... but not one soul is around. No one. It's so quiet.
We start playing on this playground. There are long boards laid out so you can walk across from pillar to pillar. It's like a down-play of what's to offer inside- simpler because it's free.
(see, again, how dreams factor in just notions... of how an amusement/attraction has little simpler things on the outliers for when you're just arriving or leaving and it's to entertain the kids while you wait for more people to show up or whatever-- that impossible to relay with just visuals... it's a highly personalized interpretation of real world set up. My dreams are so chalk-full of these)
We run, start to loosen up. There is just dirt on this "playground." And monkey bars, hard thick metal... old fashioned style. like they made in the 20s.  today metals used on playgrounds looks so less heavy duty.  The building had an air of massive about it, of old-style  manner of constructing something.
We go inside.

As soon as you enter there is no grand hall or big lobby-like area. There's just a small office like room with two steps leading up towards a "T" hallway, narrow and dimly lit. And yes this was the main entrance. There's a stand to buy stuffed animals. I grab a dark brown bear but there's no place to pay.
Off to the right is what sounds like air pressure in pipes, faint, distant.
To the left we can see the start of an area opening. Like a side room. The walls have stripes of red and purple... almost circus like... or maybe fun house is the better word. But it feels more like a factory. FACTORY. It's massive and with more purpose than to entertain.

We walk down to the left, see that the opening has given way to this slight platform in a crescent moon shape. Half-circle.  No buttons, no switches but clearly inviting, this thing. Clearly meant to entertain.
In the middle of the half-circle is what looks like a plastic bubble and beyond that a silent clown head. Like a doll or mannequin that just needs you to put a quarter in to give it the juice to start moving.
But there's no slot for $. Just that bubble. The clown head is very large and in a perpetual smile. Bright reds and stark whites like usual. Your typical Bozo. It's not lit up behind him (mystery) It's simply black like there could be 100 feet of space behind him or just inches, no telling.
His head is bigger than our bodies and seems to be looking at the bubble. Like to say, if you want to play with the clown you get in the bubble. But the bubble is so small, like a mini crawl space. Tight, constricting, odd.
One of the guys in my group decides he isn't leery. He has faded green pants. He starts getting in. The bubble starts whirring and slowly turning like it's starting up. He hasn't had a chance to get fully inside. Suddenly it spins faster. His legs are sticking out. We watch helpless. Will he be injured or killed? Is that what it's design is? To trick? like a mouse trap?
It spins faster and faster until we can't even see him anymore and then suddenly pulls inward toward the clown. A side wall jars out so we can't see the clown or the bubble anymore from our angle.
Then just seconds later retracts. The bubble stops spinning and all stops. He lies motionless, apparently dead. But we can't tell if he's just unconscious. His legs sprawl sideways. I clutch that bear and his musty smell.
The heavy black girl starts running down the hallway screaming. It's more purple down that way. the colors bounce of the walls. I wake up.

:::
That's ALL i got to see. Even when I woke terrified at that building I wanted to see more of what was in there... Gah it was like the building was a living thing. mind of deceit...  so enticing though.
i didn't see much and not much actually happened, but this dream fascinates me because, despite that, it still managed to stick in my mind all day. It was its aura or impression.  What it implied. The "idea" it creates. Of mystery and lure. Malintent by baiting human amusement and simple playful curiosity. I got the impression afterwards that the building only appears as a fun house or place of entertainment.. like a indoor amusement park or carnival... but instead was an experiment by ... well, whomever...  faulty scientists? maybe that's the scariest mystery of all. why would they build this? Did they feel guilt about killing people? Is whatever data they were collecting about human curiosity worth loss of life?
I can tell the building was old, like early 1900s at least. Probably late 1800s. It had that smell.
And who was running it now? Someone had to know about the power coming out here. Someone had to be keeping the foliage back, the windows not busted, and the dust and spiders out. Someone waxed the floors. Which is my point about the building being alive. it's like something happened to it, like it was embodied. it tended itself, didn't need people anymore. Draws energy by solar perhaps...
The speculations about this building are endless... endless.
it grows like a real organism.. builds more rooms and halls inside it the same way people can create neural pathways in their brains and hard athletes can create new blood vessels.
and it burrows deeper into the ground, like layers of basements... more mystery.
I know I dreamed about that half-moon clown before... I know that was something I thought of a LONG LONG time ago and haven't thought of in years. I think seeing Killer Klowns From Outer Space as a kid made me invent that little scene... and it forgot all this time. Sometimes I have those little kernels in my mind. just bits.. and then they come out randomly and I feel like OH! that's from so long ago. it's the biggest aha! getting access to a part of your brain you didn't have before. one outlier memory. it just feels so cool.
and the red and purple. wow.... i think those colors have this extremely ugly quality when next to each other. they do not compliment each other. Environment is so important in my dreams. Red is flashy, intense. Purple is a popular girl color. It seems to suggest darker feminism. while pink is more innocent, girly. Having them side by side seems to draw all their suggestiveness into horrid atrocious over-decadence. too much intense deep color. too much attention.
purple is more a cold color, red is so hot. but they don't lie side by side like opposite as black and white can.
I saw just 1% of that place. i really felt it get under my skin. no one sees it all. they die first. or they get lost in the void.

Bosnian wedding and baby in a hot car

i had a lot of intense dreams through the whole 12 hours i was asleep last night, mostly due to this insanely painful migraine. but the dreams were odd and lush... but i cant remember most of them... I'm so distracted by pain. Thought I would put the most memorable ones up at least. Pardon my more lax and error-lade writing style. I just cant muster the effort.

one dream was the wedding of this girl Indira Hodzic. That's probably not her last name anymore because that was her married name when i met her. She Bosnian and used to work at MetLife next to me. She was interesting, must be since she's showing up in my dreams months after not working there anymore. We never talk now, and she's probably forgotten all about MetLife. Anyway, in the dream she was marrying someone else, a different guy than the one I remember seeing in pictures anyway. She wore a black dress, and for some reason I was one of her bridesmaids. I drove my old red Cavalier there and had my cousin Izziac with me. He's about 15 now but in my dream he was just a baby. I do really remember when he was born, which is getting to be an odd feeling. 

I had no car seat or any kind of child seat to put him in but there was a pile of clothes in the back he was all nestled in. For some reason I thought that was ok. He was barely a year old and just sitting freely back there, not even a seat belt. 

Once at the wedding, i scrambled to the front since it was already starting and I was worried i would mess it all up and make it look bad. It was an outdoor wedding and very hot out. People were splayed in front of a stage-like altar where the bride and groom were already standing and all the maids too. I ran up and realized there had never been set up to walk in with one of the groom's men. So it would have been an awkward unbalanced entrance regardless of me being late.

I stood too close to Indira at first, right behind them and slowly moved back trying to cover my mistake and not bring too much attention to the movement. Then the dream "skipped" and it was later and past the whole ceremony. I walked out into the crowd and wandered, saw a commotion far off. My mom comes blazing up to me with this worried/ intense look on her face. 

"Did you know you left Izziac in your car?" I suddenly felt a horrid, sinking feeling. 

"Is he ok? Did anyone get him out" I started running without waiting for an answer. On the way I thought, "How the hell could I just forget about him?"

I got to where my car was and saw he'd already been pulled out and people were surrounding him and fanning him, putting water on him. I broke through and sat on my knees in front of him, felt so sorry.... started looking closely at his face.

He looked hardly bothered, just a little flustered. I wondered how long he'd been out of the car and how hot he'd been. How bad did he look when he first came out? How much better has he gotten? Did he pass out?  I didn't seem to care how they got him out since they didn't have my keys and they likely had to break a window. I never even looked. 

a bull fell in love with me

update 5/4/11
this is the dream I was having the morning John Crivaro died. I wrote it later in the morning but before I knew he was gone. I think I was having this dream sometime around 7... maybe just before, between 6:30-7. anyway i had it after he died since he died just before 5am... exact time was like 4:53 or so the news article says. interesting kind of. i don't think this dream has anything to do with JM, just thought I should make a note. 


below text was written 4/29/2011:


i only remember one part.
field, farm belonged to someone. with Dan and his gun. He shot a huge bull lying down right in the face.
But he didn't die... instead the thing started raging and running around in a fury. of course it came right at me first, though i was uninvolved. of course that doesnt matter.
it was a massive 3 ton thing dark brown and running at me as fast as it could.
when it got to me i braced myself for the pain but then he just passed over me and left me unharmed.
he kept runing at me like that over and over without hurting me but with force and intensity.
then it followed me around and i soon realized it was trying to communicate with me. then his eyes looked so sad and i realized though he hadnt died right away when Dan shot him he was still dying... just slowly.
The bull followed me like it was in love with me and seemed to just want my company and comfort. but it always had this terrifying prescence and it coudlnt stop running and raging... it was difficult to see past and not let myself become afraid. it was probably something like Beauty and the Beast.
little streams of blood ran down his face from the tiny holes... it was a shotgun Dan had shot him with.
i put my hands on his head and he was steamy and warm. but he finally calmed and laid down again.

VR from 02/16/11 (i know, awhile ago!) *math class and late homework.

Morning of 02/16/2011
Recorded 7:00-7:13am
I had a math class and it was in the same room that I had 5th grade in. I have a lot of dreams in the 5th grade rooms; I don’t know what it is about it. I guess we had 6th grade there too but it was 5th and 6th grade


It was on…same side that Mrs. Thompson’s room is on, but it wasn’t her class it was the next one down. It was college supposedly and it was a math class and I, my bag was sitting, I had a black back pack and it was sitting on the chair behind where the teacher came, when the teacher came in so I kinda felt like it was really awkward. Grabbed my bag and I sat down, pulled my math book out. I saw everyone was doing that and I saw papers sticking out of their books like we had homework and I realized, “oh yeah, she gave us homework and I didn’t do it” I hadn’t touched it; I hadn’t done it at all. It was like I’d just plopped in the middle of this and I didn’t have time to think about doing my homework at all. I just kept thinking like “oh no… don’t have it done” Then I opened it up and I saw all this red pen and it said Adam Waters at the top and I was like, “oh no, I have his homework, crap” But it was all completely done. Like what I saw was his book. And then I saw that I had two books so I looked at the homework and it had my name on it. He wrote my name. and then I noticed the whole thing was done. It was this long packet and then he’d done it for me like he just completely filled it out and finished the whole thing for me.


The first page was like regular math. The more I looked at it, the more I realized it was like, it seemed kiddish ‘cause by the end there were some drawings that we were supposed to do. And on the last page there was a couple parts that weren’t finished all the way. The last page showed a bunch of farm animals on it; it was themed. We were supposed to have drawings. He did some of them. It was like a dog in red, chickens, cows and stuff. And he cut out some of the pages so when you turned each page you’d have one little piece like a children’s book. He cut a hole through the middle so it was like progressively adds every time you turn the page. I was like, “that’s cool. Wow he really went into it.” But I noticed he wasn’t coming in. And it was taking me while to look at that and the classroom was so crowded. My desk was really up high. It was in my chest. My desk was right up against someone else’s: Ty Furnal. I actually went to elementary school, and high school, with him. He was sitting right next to me. It felt so crowded and I moved my desk over a little bit.


I noticed that he wasn’t coming in the classroom, Adam I mean. So I was wondering what was going on. If he was, if he was going to come in or not, so I could say thank you for doing my homework for me. It made me feel relieved, even though I thought it was his at first. I was like, “shit I need to give this to him.” But… and then I flipped it on the very, very back. And it said: “From Adam to Kristin” …like with a “K” or Kristine maybe… and it said 2001 or 2002, I can’t remember. Like it was something he’d already done. And so he hadn’t really done it all in one night or something. But it seemed like he did. It was like just the same packet or something he’d already had in the past and it was already done. He put a lot of work into it, and he gave it to someone but somehow he had it back then he was giving it to me to save my ass ‘cause I didn’t have it done. Now he would know that I don’t know. But it was nice.


Then he wasn’t coming in so it was almost like maybe, maybe he dropped the class ‘cause he already has this packet done so maybe he’s already done all this stuff. I remember thinking, “he would have all this done ‘cause he has a degree in accounting so anything math, he’d already be done.”


I should be more descriptive huh? …about what was in the book.


That’s all I can remember is the very last few pages where you were supposed to draw pictures. I remember thinking… ‘cause there was a bunch of lines on it like… and I was thinking, “why would you put a bunch of lines where you ask us to draw pictures?” And that part was blank and it seemed like, “oh that wasn’t done” I was like, “Ok, I’m gonna have to draw some pictures real quick so this is done.”


Then I turned the page and saw all of it drawn out on blank sheets. And then when I got to the back it looked really old, much older than the rest of the packet like the pages were more worn. It looked like it had been that way a long time, whereas in the beginning it looked like he had just did it with that pink pen. I was like, “I don’t know how he did that. How did he get this in my bag without me noticing? Without even being here either?” That’s very sneaky. It felt nice though like somehow he was looking out for me… looking…out…for…me. And the teacher was like sort of not a strong presence in the room. They were off to the side. At first it was like a male like some person that was sort of like Evan Feldman and then when they were at the front and it was like female and they were very unclear. But I wasn’t really paying attention, I was very focused on the book and my stuff and the fact that my homework wasn’t done.
I was thinking I would remember this dream but I probably won’t. I thought that yesterday and I didn’t remember. Now that I’m spending time to think about it and talk about it, I’ll remember. Just like the other one.


Oh, the dog was red. There was a cow. And the other thing was, oh, there were quite a few pages at the end devoted to all these pictures and he drew two animals like that where they were cut out. The first was, you saw only part of it and every time you turn the page it would add more. When you got about 4-5 pages you finally got the whole animal. It was like little piece here, turn it again, then it’d add something more and another little piece, turn the page again and you get another piece. ‘Til finally you got the whole animal. (clock radio alarm blares) Oops.


And then, uh, if he w... then he drew a second one but it was in the reverse order from that. You started with the whole animal and then you’d turn another page and it would start taking pieces away until you got the end, the very end of the book, the whole entire book …there was nothing. It was like just this little tiny piece…something on the very very last page. So he did two but they were like symmetrical like that.


His drawings were actually pretty good for what they were (phone alarm blares) Dammit.


I remember feeling really happy though, ‘cause it was so, it seemed so elaborate, seemed like such an elaborate way to help me out… to do something like that for me.


So that was the dream I just had before I woke up about ten minutes ago.


The other dream I had right before that was, I was in my old house (494 McKimber). I was actually getting ready for school so they were kinda connected but they were different, the themes were different, and the feeling… the overall general feeling behind the dream. I woke up in my bedroom. There was something with Doug, something that Doug said… but I can’t remember that… I just remember that I was waking up, I was gonna get ready for school and (Dan’s alarm from across the room blares) Dammit, fucking alarms. That one’s worse. I really hate when Dan forgets to turn that one off because it’s across the room.


Anyway, so I went up to go take a shower and our bathroom was different than it really was. There was no bathroom upstairs in that old house but I dreamed that there was one. And, it was like in the hallway where there were there wasn’t even a room. It would’ve cut into where the closet is, if they were gonna put a, actually put a bathroom there. It would’ve cut into the closet where the master bedroom is. I suppose it’s possible, but there’d be no closet in the master bedroom.


…Went in the bathroom and it was very cluttered, there was a lot of stuff in it and it had a lot of my mom’s stuff, seemed almost like her bathroom. (chair falls) my god the cats are going fucking crazy. They always go psycho as soon as I wake up. Anyway, I can’t even do this! I can’t even record my dreams this way because they have to be so distracting. Oh!


I remember setting out some clothes and feeling like I never had enough time like it was rushed to get ready like I didn’t have quite enough time and when I went into take a shower I never got around to it and I had to go to the bathroom so I already go to the bathroom but I missed and ended up pooping on the floor and I was thinking, “Crap, I have to clean this up. I can’t believe I just did that.” So I started cleaning it and it really oddly felt like when I clean up cat poop and it looked that way too. And there was just this mess and it was so disgusting. I was so annoyed about it, cleaning that up… and…so…cleaned it up and I went to clean part of the toilet and I noticed there was just jewelry sitting on the edge of the toilet like gold jewelry and just pieces like a ring, a lighter and pieces of things I was like, “why are these around the edge of the toilet?” I really don’t understand but I moved them over to the counter and by the time I got done doing all that there was no time for a shower so I had to just go get dressed and go to school and then it jumped to the dream I just said earlier.


I remember the jewelry though, the jewelry on the edge of the toilet and then me pooping on the floor. So weird, what does that mean?.... (phone alarm goes off again) [END]








SONG IN HEAD AT WAKING:
White Rabbit
by Jefferson Airplace

oozing melted sea creatures made from wax burst from a ship covered in cobwebs crash-landed in a field

in a large field a bunch of us were just running like kids and it was mid afternoon. i saw a giant tree sideways like it had fallen, except it was covered in what looked like thick spiderwebs. it was coated like a fuzz and looked creepy. the tree looked like one of those weeds, instead of a tree but giant weed like tree-sized. it looked gross. a girl ran up to touch it and we all told her she shouldn't. but it was too late. we were yelling, "no! stop!" but she punctured the surface of the spiderweb and hundreds of little spider came oozing out. and all over her... she panicked.
it looked the same way ants come pouring out of an ant hill if you disturb the dirt mound. the spiders were like insides of the cobweb tree.
then the tree appeared more like some sort of ship and there were figures coming out of the tops of the ship... like the holes that would be doorways leading into the cabins... but they were oozing out like melted wax... at first we thought they were alive and what was inside coming out to attack us. but then we realized that they truly were made from wax and were a man-made display and it was getting so hot inside the wax was melting. they were sea creatures in bright colors like an orange octopus with all its legs and tentacles. giant squid and starfish... all made from wax..  just fake and this misplaced ship in a field... like it was pulled by a giant right out of a museum and tossed into this field. the thick cobweb layer seemed to be the real threat.... and the tiny spiders.
they were the real "enemy" and represented alien life come to our planet. there was something more inside and those weren't really spiders.. only looked like spiders... but i was too afraid to stick around.

later i went back to town and everything seem unrelated to what i found.
there was a large ship in town too but they had nothing to do with with each other. this dream seemed separate. the ship in down was docked and part hotel. it was night by then so people were dancing and having food and there was music and lights throughout.
i went to the highest point in it and found there were parts of the ship i could see that you cant normally see if you're submerged in the ship. not paying attention having too much fun. my brother seemed to know this too and lots of other things. there was seaweed gathered in a hidden underpart and we were pulling it aside to find secret items. tossing it down to a lower part but then thought we shouldn't be moving the seaweed. there was so much more to that part but i can't remember.
:::

the next dream was unrelated to that scene, riding in a car with friends and getting ready to stop by his house to get clothes. he lived with some other friends. i went inside and saw they had minimalist surroundings and it was slightly odd how they had almost no stuff. Dalton lived there for some reason and i ventured into his room. found a dark blue laptop and wanted to open it and look in it but was afraid of him seeing me do it and getting upset... i opened the lid anyway and it turned on by itself but he came through the door just then so i turned fast and started looking at this shelf, pretending to just notice him coming in and saying, "oh is this your room? nice." he walked over to his computer and shut the lid, i assumed he thought he had left it open himself. he gave me a video game to start playing: racing. at first i was making the car go the wrong way and didn't realize it. my car was simplistically represented by this tiny yellow dot and nothing more. it would zip around at unrealistic speed, more like it was cheaply made from plastic... like a metal ball in one of those mazes instead of an actual video game. i soon mastered it and was insanely good at it.

cutting my own leg open but there was no blood

trying to get back home but lost. in some little town driving about.
pulled up paperwork for a policy (work creeping in my dreams i swear) it looked old like it was done  in the 1800s but the full name was Sue CEC ECE
weird.
the agent was named Robert born in 1969.

i was standing in a room nighttime with rows and rows of films, it was like a movie rental but it looked like a home. there was a light glow in the room as if only a TV were on and nothing else.
I had this bad infection in my leg so I started cutting the skin. i cut a slit from my ankle to just below my knee running vertical. I felt nothing, no pain. Inside there was this white foamy looking stuff that I thought was fat but there was so much of it that I realized it was the infected dead matter. so I pulled on it and it came out through the cut in one big blob. it was disgusting. but my leg felt better suddenly. it was weird since it didnt even bleed. and i never got around to stitching back up my leg.
this dream just had a lot of random unconnected scenes. i dont remember how my leg got hurt like that.