Sunday, January 31, 2010

vending machine

vending machine
bigger bottles on right side cost over 2 dollars like 2.23 or so
all other cots $1.68 reg 20oz bottles of soda.
paid in all dimes, placed on shela, wooden
black plastic
A&W/ new leaf tea

bldg abndoned, watching man walk through
i had seeb it before but h hadnt, i knew al that was coming in each room.
1 room had an old classroom. he saw the books above he door and knew it would be sad, so he prayed
he looked a lot like John Locke from Lost
i think it migt have actually been him. there was a small word in the bttom right of "screen"
in gothic-ish print. "hell" or some word like that.
in orange and yelow shadowed text. almost like Word Art.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

the mornings of my life are not conducive to dream recall...AT ALL

every morning, I wake up on the inside of the bed and then there's an alarm blaring and Dan going about getting ready. Then cats are meowing. Of course, there's also my instantly buzzing brain, flagrant to leave behind any thought in my head...speeding full-force into what I'm supposed to do today...get up, get showered, get dressed...DRIVE 30 minutes. MAKE IT TO WORK ON TIME!!!
There are tons of distractions. I find it much harder now at this point in my life to reflect on dreams then ever before. No other time in my life has been so full of inhibitions and detours. Things that almost WANT me to forget.

So, as you may have already gathered, I forgot my dream last night. And it was intense.

The first part was something about my mom (that was the most important part)
I'm intensely irritated that it's gone. There was a negative aspect to it.

Another later part was getting on facebook at work only to discover they rigged up an alarm system to all our computers that go off beeping (not too loud but still embarrissingly annoying) whenever you get on the site.
someone said, "Oh, why'd you get on facebook?"
I lied and said it was accidental. yeah right.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

stealing money and avoiding death on an orange track

first part was stealing money with KC a girl I went to HS with. I cant remember who we stole it from. But it was in a small case. might have been no more than $20-30,000
that seemed like a small amt in dream. the sky was grayish and we threw it into the lake for safe keeping. when we took it out everything was soggy. it was difficult getting it back. the money was folded into envelopes the tall way so the bills still looked long. it was tucked in them in uneven amount in an unorganized manner.

we had it all lying on a table and my mom walked out of the house of this porch. little medium brown-wooded deck. one table with black painted steel chairs. all the colors seemed harsh and cold. i was trying to be nonchalant so my mom woudlnt realize what I had and that i was a theif, she never knew.
Dan was suddenly with me and the money was gone.
Joan called me crying, saying someone in her family had shunned her and wouldnt talk to her now. she didnt have a home to sleep in so wanted to stay with us at our apartmentin Indianola. she was crying as she talked.

later I was a young guy, probably age 22 or so. I had an east coast accent, like I was from NY. I was either Italian or some sort of mixed Mexican or maybe Puerto Rican. I had dark brown hair and eyes and was tall, very tall. a little younger than I am now. But i was a boy and somehow i had the rap for what I had done earlier. I was very afraid, walking down sidewalks quickly and with 2 friends. Janet(my gma who is dead now) was ahead but had a separate sense to her. she wasnt "with" our group but i definitely knew her. she was alone...i think
after us a group of black ladies came into this bike trail we were all on. there was a small wire fence on the edges. still grayish sky and somber colors
wet cold miserable...sad
they were talking about killing her because they were so angry with her. she had done something and they wanted revenge or retaliation or something. the shortest of the black ladies was the most firey. they were agging her on, encouraging.
she was the "boss" leader of that group though ironically the smallest/ she was full of hate.

soemone was after me as well. a group of guys about the same age were following me. they seemed to not be looking at me but i knew it was a ploy. they wanted to catch me off guard. i was still well ahead of them and they didnt want to run to get to me because it would draw attention. we reached a outdoor track. like for sports to run on and such. it had tall gates all around it, like a tennis court.
the track was painted orange with stark white lines. it was a large track not like normal. over a mile. maybe like 3 miles in one.
alady stood in the middle like she worked there and was "on duty" or a lifeguard of sorts.
i started walking faster and when i came to the first corner i ran. she yelled at us (which makes no sense cause tracks are for runnnig)
so we slowed. the guys following us slowed as well.
did i say i had 2 friends with me?
i looked through the fence at the sky starting to think about our lives and shouted "Do ever stop to think about what we have, how lucky we are?"
we rounded corner and the ones behind started speeding up again. we walked faster and they got closer and closer. i saw how there was a path down the middle of the track. i cut sharply into it and made my way across to escape.
they were close by then, still trying not to gather attention yet.
then the dream ends before they get to me.

i was a boy- young with an accent (Eastern like NY)
$$with kc
bills in suitcase soggy
foldedd tall, rubber bands
my mom came out to see didnt quite realize

track, someone trying to kill/ cut through middle
Joan wanting to stay the night. calling me crying someone wont talk tp her cold shoudler
small short woman after Janet she had 3 other black girls/ friends with her. they were encouraging her
bik trail
isolated vulnerable
walk faster tunrs into run
me with 2 other guys
we get yelled at by young lady working at this track- painted orange
"Did you ever stop to think about what we have, how lucky we are?" im shoutng. Im upset
im afraid for my life.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

false waking.

i have a bad headache, that part is real. i fell asleep with it and its worse now that im awake.

the last part of my dream was waking up to record my dream. the sun was shining really brightly through the window, like it couldb spring.
i reached over for my computer and when i looked back there it still was on the night stand. I opened it and iTunes began to play and I realized it was Dan's even though it looked whte on the outside. i looked at the ouside a 2nd time and finally saw the silver taht it really is. there were a few web pages open from when he was last on and itunes automatically started playing like i said. (it doesnt reall do that in real llife)
the song was "Before I knew Stars Shined" by Stereolab. which is not a real song. There is one called "...sudden stars"
I skipped it and then it played "Meant to Live" by Swithfoot.
I close it and got mine and finally woke up for real to record my dream

The dream was working at the IA state fair, selling meat. prokchops i think. I took over for my dad after i walked up unexpectedly to his table. I had no idea he would be there and selling things. i gave him some tips and began myself to sell.
when the next day came i woke up at my grandma sharon's and the sun was brightly was just before 8 AM>
eeryone was getting ready for their real jobs and they were all late. i remember thinking it wasnt much time for me either because i start at 8:30. i was goint to my Metlife job instead of the fair.
i lay back on the couch thinking of the dream i had before. in my dream again trying to remember the dream
which i cannot truly remember

the dream was about working at the fair, but there was a small part before that:
all snow melted, green grass--
just the part about someone's very green backyard that appeared at this time of year. and it was odd sicne its winter and theres snow everywhere.

(my head hurts bad this morning... like almost migraine. i feel it in my sinus.)

Monday, January 18, 2010

million-dollar gum.

in a field there were hundreds of dresses pinned to trees. some had fallen into the grass but none were ruined. They all had various ribbons on them because they had all won prizes. teh contest was already over and the owners of the dresses wwere not around.
it looked like at the fair. all the exhibits...
There were a large ggroup of us people (none of which owned the dresses) and we started picking them up and putting htem back
one dress i picked up had a piece of gum atttached so i ate it. it tasted different than any other gum
later the people came by angry that that gum was gone, claiming it was worth a million dollars. it was sweet pea flavored and they wanted to know where it was. i remember thinking it was a little weird tasting but not good enough to be worth that.
i felt sorry but never told anyone. i had no idea.
the dress with million dollar gum pinned was a white dress with a peach colored ribbon for fourth place.
i dont know if thats the real color for how that system works
another dress i picked up had a a blue ribbon and it was maroon. It was simpler and looked almost too casual...not as elaborate as the other. i coudlnt understand how it got 1st.

Friday, January 15, 2010

An iPhone, chase-hide, naked girls swimming in frozen ponds

It was Christmas in a different house than I've ever lived in. someone gave me an iPhone except it looked diff than the real one. it was bulkier and it could flip open to a litle compartment. inside was an additional smaller phone that looked a lot likw the Motorola razor i have now. but ti wasnt the same, just similar. i played with the iPhone and felt like it was a big gift. It came with a large toolbox (i have no idea why...makes no sense) but they were a hand in hand gift. The tool box was filled with Hector's old tools. I could tell when it was bought the box was empty so they just filled it with some tools they had...they were still nice, just dusty with age

skip to:
three levels to this building. yellow green colors
went on the eleevators to trick them. i pushed 2 and it went nowhere because thats the floor we were already on. then i hit 3.
the "close door" button worked really fast which was a relief considering they were chasing me and trying to get to me.
so I acted like I was going up to hte 3rd floor. but when i got htere i held the doors sht and stayed inside. then i went back down and they werent expecting that.
when i looked at the buttons the numbers went up to 48 but down instead of up, so it was 48 floors into the ground, like basement levels. but those buttons wouldnt work. i could only got to the 3 floors above ground. i don't know why.

when i got of the elevator at the ground floor no one saw me so this was my chance to hide.
i saw som winding stairs that went off to the side and down. so i scurried on over.
it got darked as i went down, no lights.
the stairs only went down one level and not into any rooms. it was just like a very tiny storage. but i hid there anyway. it didnt lead to the 48 floors below.
I kept hidding under stairs. pitch black. two people were suddenly with me: a ful grown man and one small girl child. I also had two stuffed animals: bear and large something else. I used it to hide my face.

pretending to be a king and his daughter when we left so we woudlnt be caught. i realized i left my bags inside which includied the iPhone. there was no way to get it since we worked so hard to get away. this man was the same man as inside and the little girl was gone. she was almost ghost-like. but he seemed very real.

leaving through miles of snow. at one point there was a break in the snow and the water unerderneath was pink. i went up the hill so i wouldnt fall through. theer was tiny bitsof dried dead grass poking through the snow. i saw off t my left further away three yong girls wimming where the water had come through more and it actually looked like a litle pond. They didnt sem to think it was cold. I could see goosebumps on there skina nd i wondered if they just pretended not to be cold or if they reall coildnt feel it. they were entirely naked....they kind of reminded me of sirens or some kind of mytholocgical creatures...except they didnt speak or sing to me. They seemed to not see me at all. They looked compketely human too, not like some sort of human imitation or anything...They were laughing and making H.S. girl jokes with each other. i went was with me on my way out but she soemhow was gone by the time i got to that building. it was tough terrain. it really suckedto get through. but now on my way back i was alone and on foot.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

first full dream.

This one starts in winter as it is now. I'm driving my car through the countryand up and down hills.
sense of danger there, sense of it being hard toget through.
I come into the city then and there's a sub way overpass ahead, lik in Chicago.
van behind me, man in it was in a horrible wreck but his van was intact. ther was a voiceover telling me about it, like someone tellling an old story from long ag, bt i still get to act in the normal day. I parked on te street in front of the gray van
backing up slowly and always messing it up. id be out of alignment with it or sticking ou to much intot he street.
then i pulled to where I thought was close to the an but ended up being really far awau from it. and i couldnt see it until I got out and looked.

once inside the building, there was somekin of schol settign that looked something like my elementRy halls in pville.
in one room which seems connected to the school but is reall someones home. a guy i used to hve a crush on a long time ago is there. he's sitting on his bed first, thne we atart talking. he starts listening to this music thats mostly love songs, ists one bad but thy ave lovey feel, it kind of reminds me of Deftones but i dont think the band is a real one. i cant remember the name. i could see it bove my head in the form of iTunes and one song was called "Virgin" at the very bottom of the list.
innocent sort of flirting, i could sense he likeed me.
"Got You Where I want you" come to mind, that song.
he was sweet to me though and i could sense that tender geuine liking.
there was a shower in his room and I took a shower to get ready for hte next day. first it was private with the curtain pylled but then it sort of sloely peeled away and he was right there... but it wasnt awkward or wrong. it didnt seem to bother either of us and it wasnt sexual in anyway. he elft me alone for the most oart but we were still clowning aound together.
curtain was plasticy white, almost like a cream colot.
it was oddly placed int he center of his nedroom. Then it disappeared after i got out. he was sitting on his ned then and i looked at the coc and aw that it was 11:3o i said something about it being late and tat i needed to go home to go to bed for school tomorrow, He seemed really disappointed but tried to hide it.
we kept flirting still and it was little kids. it felt nice though just being so innocent like that.
i cant rmember the band... it was his wa of sayin ghe liked me, by playing those songs. they were very suggestive of love.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

dream recall inhibition (sucks!)

Last night's dream is lost to me and that's how it's been lately. I've had terrible trouble getting back in touch with my dreaming mind. I used to do it so well, remembering elaborately and in full detail. Lately, stress and morning rushes has hushed it all away so it's damn near impossible to attain now. In the past few months, or maybe it's really been the past year... ever since I started working at Metlife and have this 35-minute drive every morning, I've lost the ability to get my dreams other than a few wispy snippets. It's like only getting 3% time and time again, which is so frustrating.

I found a list on how to recall dreams better and thought it was valid considering I spent over two years writing down my dreams daily. But that was back HS stress really puts a damper on everything! #5 has a key point in what will help me now, so I can get back into this:

1. Prepare. Put a notebook and pencil by the bed and date the page with tomorrow's date before falling asleep. If you'd rather not use a notebook, a tape recorder is another option. This action tells your Dream Self, "I'm listening!"

2. Affirm. As you are falling asleep, affirm, "I will sleep well and dream, and in the morning I will recall my dreams." This is setting an intention to remember.

3. Record Right Away. If you half-wake in the night with some dream recall, write down or record the dream immediately. If you prefer not to do this in the middle of the night, at least run through the dream in your mind and mentally note the key elements, affirming that you will remember these upon awakening. Dreams are fleeting - the sooner you record them, the better your chances of remembering.

4. Wake Gently. If at all possible, wake naturally, without an alarm. If you must use an alarm, try using soft music or ambient sounds instead of a buzzer. If using any kind of alarm, turn it off immediately rather than leaving it playing in the background where it can distract you from remembering your dreams.

5. First Thought for Dreams. Upon waking, think back to what was just in your mind instead of thinking forward to your to do list for the day. Once your mind starts racing ahead, your chances of remembering a dream are all but lost.

6. Stay Drowsy. Stay in the half-awake, half-asleep state as long as you can. Keep your eyes closed and move slowly through your common sleeping positions to stimulate dream recall. I often recall three separate dreams by lying on my right side, my back and my left side - a different dream for each position.

7. Daily Dream Journaling. Write something in your journal every morning, even if you don't recall a dream. Write down the feelings, emotions, phrases, images or snatches of music that come to mind upon first awakening. These vague fragments are often partial dream recall. In addition, you are reaffirming the message, "I'm listening," to your Dream Self.

8. No Censoring. Don't censor or dismiss what you remember as meaningless, too small or too silly to record. Every dream has meaning and even the smallest fragment can bring a huge "Aha!" when honored and explored.

9. Sleep Well. Depression, anxiety, stress, work overload, alcohol, drugs and prescription medications can all interfere with dream recall. Do what you can to minimize these interferences. 10. Practice, practice, practice. The more you work at recalling, recording and honoring your dreams, the easier and more natural dream recall becomes.

list by Claire M. Perkins

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


The first dream posted on here could be better, but I simply cannot remember any more than this, my dream from last night:

being in some kind of fitting room with low yellow lights
dresses were white and lacy. something about trying them on and not liking it...


This blog has been made in an effort to record my dreams. I'll try to record them as much as possible and as soon as I can in the mornings, but that isn't always easy, especially if the dream is long and elaborate. A long time ago I used to record my dreams on paper with pen (sometimes pencil which sucked) and those feverish scribbles are stowed away on a shelf and happily so. There are probably a hundred pages worth. I'm really glad I still have them. It's quite a useful thing to get in touch with dreams, trying to unravel their complexity and understand yourself better.

Just so you know, this entry will probably be the clearest of all as, if anyone who's recorded dreams before knows, writing down dreams is insane! There will tons of grammatical errors and misspellings and run-ons galore.
I partially took the idea from Brookers. she created one of these blogs about 2 years ago and I recently discovered it. Her's is at

Although she used a picture from photobucket as her background and that acct holder has been inactive so the pic is gone and it's making that blog look terrible. You have to highlight it all in order to read it now.
Anyway, thanks Brookers.

And goodbye clearly written, well-phrased blogging.
it's going to get intense and obscure in here.

prepare for extremely abstract...