i fell asleep at work... but only briefly.

Not that I'm in the habit of falling asleep at work, but I had a short dream Tuesday. What can I say? I slept only 3 hours the night before. So I nodded off for a moment.
...barely rested my head against my hand and suddenly I was launched into a three-second dream, which was intensely vivid and vibrant. I woke and gasped.

I had seen a simple living room, a large couch with a young girl seated on it. She has long dark brown hair. A bright golden cup lies on the floor, empty but nothing is spilled. It looks like a gauntlet; the gold is sparkly, like cheap fake decoration. Like it was painted on and not that the cup is made form gold. But it's so bright anyway, shiny, absolutely luminescent. She says nothing just looks at me sideways with those intense eyes. How can that much intensity come from a 4-year-old girl?

I've dreamed of this girl before, many times and I always feel strongly attached to her; there's something unique between us. some kind of fundamental attachment. it's like i know her so well, but i've never seen anyone like her.

flowers.

night of 2/19 morning of 2/20

all i can remember now is a large square room with hundreds of flowers lining it. and they were all so neatly placed about  in rows.. it looked somewhat like the iowa state fair tables. just the tables with plants though, just that alone. everything else in the room was so bare. and the flowers were so perfect and healthy.
the carpet was a light green and the walls alternated from pale purple to just white. the next room led to carpet with darker green and someone was in the corner. I started getting so excited about all the flowers, running like mad along the rows and picking them. i had bulging clutches of it in my fists and the tulips stuck out in my mind so much.. god the tulips. those bulbs were absolutely perfect and well-shaped. i had never seen such a perfect flower. looking at it, i suddenly realized the sense of forbidden it was giving me. and i sunk in shame and just then that person in the corner was right in my face, screaming at the loss of all the flowers i just killed by picking. it was so spontaneous and an exlosion of emotin... like manic spring-like bubbly-ness.... just absolutely bright and manic.
over-excited and bursts of energy, like the most alive feeling... but not in a joyous way. not in a lively beautiful furvorous way... it was more like unnatural as the atomic bomb.

shot Kubla and Myron visit

vivid dream of dan having to shoot Kubla. reason is always unapparent at first. when i looked at Kubla, there was just a smoking hole through his neck after Dan had aimed at the head and meant to shoot him there. but through the neck instead and miraculously had missed the spinal cord and arteries. Kubla was still alive but badly injured. i felt this enormous sense of regret trying to go over in my mind, why did we shoot him in the first place? but could never remember. seemed almost out of our control.

the dream before that was in a gym or wooden setting like that... auditorium. Myron came in and we greeted each other warmly and i hugged him. it felt so real it was like he was here again. he died Jan 2 this year.

zombies again. why?

another zombie dream last night, typical visuals and details.
this man bit this black girl in the face to infect her. she thought he was normal. he hadnt turned all the way to the point where he lost all control. he tricked her for some reason, felt like he needed to and was still able-minded enough to hold back from just attacking her full force with all that ravenous insanity. when his jaws closed sharply it looked like a snapping turtle.

verbal dream (first one done this way!)

So, typing out dreams in the morning can be a chore especially when I've hit snooze too many times. My brain jumps to rushing to get showered and dressed and try to not go crazy listening to screaming cats who think they are just starving.
I sometimes just skip typing out dreams altogether. As an experimental solution, I decided to record audio of me talking just seconds after waking up. No computer, no screens, no keyboard. Just talk... like I'm telling someone sitting there next to me.
Later I verbatim typed it out while listening to it. It makes me laugh a little to see written out the way I speak in such an informal and sleepy way. do I really say "like" that much? geez!

Dream from the yesterday morning, Feb 07, 2011

DREAM  (as spoken in bed just after waking):

Going to the hospital to visit Ashley. And they had it controlled to visit the rooms, every room that you went to. And they guarded it and you had to wait. As soon as you walked in the door you had to wait. And they had it grouped off like it was some tourist attraction. You had to wait for the elevators. And they had a big platform and you go in groups and they’d group everyone together and put you on it. And then you’d ride in the elevator; they were one-way elevators. And it was like a wedge in the wall. Like diagonal. You couldn’t go back down the same route so it made it difficult for you to try and find your own way or sneak around. And I think the buttons, you couldn’t just find one of those elevators and get on yourself. And when I walked in the door…

On the way over I was riding in the car with my mom. We were looking at the houses along the way and we said something about grandma Janet living in that area. It looked like the Southside neighborhood. I got to the hospital and I didn’t have any pants on. Just what I wore to bed really, actually. It seemed comfortable to me at the time but when I got in the hospital everyone was looking at me so weird. Then it started to make me feel bad about it, even though I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it really. So I stood there and there was one girl, a black girl behind the counter on one of the first platforms, she said… she saw someone standing there with a symbol on his shirt and said, “You’re into Nelly aren’t you?” She was young, like 20. She went on about Nelly or something, in her black Ebonics.

Then I decided, if you knew what her room number was, for the person you wanna see, you could bypass all this and just go straight to that room. You could figure it out. So my mom showed up and Katy too ‘cause she walked in at the last second with Chloe, and she was late, kinda like how she always was for class at Grand View. She walked in and set Chloe down, Chloe kept kinda climbing in the back like she was going to go behind this wall. I tried to pick her up cause Katy left the room but she left Chloe. So I picked Chloe up but Chloe was sort of like, wanted back down. Didn’t want to be held. So I put her down and I remember she smelled like… well she still had a diaper on so she was younger than she really is in reality and she still had a diaper on and she smelled like pee like she needed to be changed. Then… there was another part in the dream ‘cause I decided to just break away from the tour group ‘cause you would wait so long. I know a hospital is just waiting around but you were waiting forever just to visit someone not to get anything yourself. It had got that bad, seemed like…ugh, just waiting to see someone, you have to wait forever. So I broke away and I was gonna figure it out. I was gonna find a way to sneak around. And then when I did that, I was, I turned “male” somehow. And I opened up a compartment that we came in but it started to look like a cave instead of a building like a real hospital. And it was a hole in the floor and I remember calling up someone I knew in the hospital and asking them, “what is underneath of us?” and he said, “you shouldn’t try it; it’s too far down. You’ll get hurt.” And he was almost like mocking me. And when I opened it, it looked like just rock and way underneath of me it was like a 50 ft drop. I really considered just dropping down and trying to get it but I could see how there was a ledge and if I missed that ledge then it was even further to fall which would have killed me. So I really wanted to take that way cause it was a sure way to get through but it was really dangerous. It was weird that it looked like a cave. So I went back to the room and noticed the whole tour group was gone. They had taken the platform. So somehow I found these other stairs off to the side and I got up to the floor above us, but it wasn’t the floor I needed. When I got up there, there was like, I think I had to maneuver through one of those one-way elevator things. Once the elevator is not in it, it’s just like this tunnel carved through the wall. And it’s at an angle… Anyway, when I got up there, there was this homage to something in the 1920s… something that had happened in that building like it used to be a different thing. It wasn’t always a hospital. I don’t remember what the event was but there were lots of pictures. I came to a different part of the building like I’d found some sort of extremity of the building that no one ever gets to, since I’d found such a weird way to get to it. I think after awhile I just left, instead of still trying. “Eventually I’m gonna get caught and they won’t be happy with me, they’ll be mad.” And I was frustrated too ‘cause I couldn’t figure out how to find her. So I left. But I didn’t meet up with my mom and I didn’t see her for the rest of the dream. I went walking through the neighborhood again, backwards order, looking at the same houses. And then the dream changed to me being with Dan and I was looking for the house that we’d want to move into. And there was one house that was supposedly supposed to be designated for us. And it was #... oh what number was it? I wanna say 705. Maybe. But there were people living in it already and it was like one of those old 70s style. It almost looked like, maybe even retro in a way. I don’t know. Like “moon style” something. I don’t know how to describe it. Dan hated it and he was like, “I can’t live there, that’s the ugliest house ever.” And so we kept walking down the street and…. There was one house painted a solid blue; it was a weird color. It was like paneling on the outside, looked like a trailer. What was at the end? The last part of the dream… I don’t remember.  Somehow I ended up in some classroom-like setting and, ugh… I’m starting to forget. I can’t remember now. I think that’s it. That was a really small part of the dream. It’s not that important. But someone, there was food involved somehow and someone was talking about the hospital and recounting what we saw over there. Something like that. The last part made me feel tested and inadequate and pretty much just that. It wasn’t very nice. Seemed almost mocking or exploitative or something. That’s it I think.