Friday, April 29, 2011

a bull fell in love with me

update 5/4/11
this is the dream I was having the morning John Crivaro died. I wrote it later in the morning but before I knew he was gone. I think I was having this dream sometime around 7... maybe just before, between 6:30-7. anyway i had it after he died since he died just before 5am... exact time was like 4:53 or so the news article says. interesting kind of. i don't think this dream has anything to do with JM, just thought I should make a note. 

below text was written 4/29/2011:

i only remember one part.
field, farm belonged to someone. with Dan and his gun. He shot a huge bull lying down right in the face.
But he didn't die... instead the thing started raging and running around in a fury. of course it came right at me first, though i was uninvolved. of course that doesnt matter.
it was a massive 3 ton thing dark brown and running at me as fast as it could.
when it got to me i braced myself for the pain but then he just passed over me and left me unharmed.
he kept runing at me like that over and over without hurting me but with force and intensity.
then it followed me around and i soon realized it was trying to communicate with me. then his eyes looked so sad and i realized though he hadnt died right away when Dan shot him he was still dying... just slowly.
The bull followed me like it was in love with me and seemed to just want my company and comfort. but it always had this terrifying prescence and it coudlnt stop running and raging... it was difficult to see past and not let myself become afraid. it was probably something like Beauty and the Beast.
little streams of blood ran down his face from the tiny holes... it was a shotgun Dan had shot him with.
i put my hands on his head and he was steamy and warm. but he finally calmed and laid down again.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

VR from 02/16/11 (i know, awhile ago!) *math class and late homework.

Morning of 02/16/2011
Recorded 7:00-7:13am

I had a math class and it was in the same room that I had 5th grade in. I have a lot of dreams in the 5th grade rooms; I don’t know what it is about it. I guess we had 6th grade there too but it was 5th and 6th grade

It was on…same side that Mrs. Thompson’s room is on, but it wasn’t her class it was the next one down. It was college supposedly and it was a math class and I, my bag was sitting, I had a black back pack and it was sitting on the chair behind where the teacher came, when the teacher came in so I kinda felt like it was really awkward. Grabbed my bag and I sat down, pulled my math book out. I saw everyone was doing that and I saw papers sticking out of their books like we had homework and I realized, “oh yeah, she gave us homework and I didn’t do it” I hadn’t touched it; I hadn’t done it at all. It was like I’d just plopped in the middle of this and I didn’t have time to think about doing my homework at all. I just kept thinking like “oh no… don’t have it done” Then I opened it up and I saw all this red pen and it said Adam Waters at the top and I was like, “oh no, I have his homework, crap” But it was all completely done. Like what I saw was his book. And then I saw that I had two books so I looked at the homework and it had my name on it. He wrote my name. and then I noticed the whole thing was done. It was this long packet and then he’d done it for me like he just completely filled it out and finished the whole thing for me.

The first page was like regular math. The more I looked at it, the more I realized it was like, it seemed kiddish ‘cause by the end there were some drawings that we were supposed to do. And on the last page there was a couple parts that weren’t finished all the way. The last page showed a bunch of farm animals on it; it was themed. We were supposed to have drawings. He did some of them. It was like a dog in red, chickens, cows and stuff. And he cut out some of the pages so when you turned each page you’d have one little piece like a children’s book. He cut a hole through the middle so it was like progressively adds every time you turn the page. I was like, “that’s cool. Wow he really went into it.” But I noticed he wasn’t coming in. And it was taking me while to look at that and the classroom was so crowded. My desk was really up high. It was in my chest. My desk was right up against someone else’s: Ty Furnal. I actually went to elementary school, and high school, with him. He was sitting right next to me. It felt so crowded and I moved my desk over a little bit.

I noticed that he wasn’t coming in the classroom, Adam I mean. So I was wondering what was going on. If he was, if he was going to come in or not, so I could say thank you for doing my homework for me. It made me feel relieved, even though I thought it was his at first. I was like, “shit I need to give this to him.” But… and then I flipped it on the very, very back. And it said: “From Adam to Kristin” …like with a “K” or Kristine maybe… and it said 2001 or 2002, I can’t remember. Like it was something he’d already done. And so he hadn’t really done it all in one night or something. But it seemed like he did. It was like just the same packet or something he’d already had in the past and it was already done. He put a lot of work into it, and he gave it to someone but somehow he had it back then he was giving it to me to save my ass ‘cause I didn’t have it done. Now he would know that I don’t know. But it was nice.

Then he wasn’t coming in so it was almost like maybe, maybe he dropped the class ‘cause he already has this packet done so maybe he’s already done all this stuff. I remember thinking, “he would have all this done ‘cause he has a degree in accounting so anything math, he’d already be done.”

I should be more descriptive huh? …about what was in the book.

That’s all I can remember is the very last few pages where you were supposed to draw pictures. I remember thinking… ‘cause there was a bunch of lines on it like… and I was thinking, “why would you put a bunch of lines where you ask us to draw pictures?” And that part was blank and it seemed like, “oh that wasn’t done” I was like, “Ok, I’m gonna have to draw some pictures real quick so this is done.”

Then I turned the page and saw all of it drawn out on blank sheets. And then when I got to the back it looked really old, much older than the rest of the packet like the pages were more worn. It looked like it had been that way a long time, whereas in the beginning it looked like he had just did it with that pink pen. I was like, “I don’t know how he did that. How did he get this in my bag without me noticing? Without even being here either?” That’s very sneaky. It felt nice though like somehow he was looking out for me… looking…out…for…me. And the teacher was like sort of not a strong presence in the room. They were off to the side. At first it was like a male like some person that was sort of like Evan Feldman and then when they were at the front and it was like female and they were very unclear. But I wasn’t really paying attention, I was very focused on the book and my stuff and the fact that my homework wasn’t done.
I was thinking I would remember this dream but I probably won’t. I thought that yesterday and I didn’t remember. Now that I’m spending time to think about it and talk about it, I’ll remember. Just like the other one.

Oh, the dog was red. There was a cow. And the other thing was, oh, there were quite a few pages at the end devoted to all these pictures and he drew two animals like that where they were cut out. The first was, you saw only part of it and every time you turn the page it would add more. When you got about 4-5 pages you finally got the whole animal. It was like little piece here, turn it again, then it’d add something more and another little piece, turn the page again and you get another piece. ‘Til finally you got the whole animal. (clock radio alarm blares) Oops.

And then, uh, if he w... then he drew a second one but it was in the reverse order from that. You started with the whole animal and then you’d turn another page and it would start taking pieces away until you got the end, the very end of the book, the whole entire book …there was nothing. It was like just this little tiny piece…something on the very very last page. So he did two but they were like symmetrical like that.

His drawings were actually pretty good for what they were (phone alarm blares) Dammit.

I remember feeling really happy though, ‘cause it was so, it seemed so elaborate, seemed like such an elaborate way to help me out… to do something like that for me.

So that was the dream I just had before I woke up about ten minutes ago.

The other dream I had right before that was, I was in my old house (494 McKimber). I was actually getting ready for school so they were kinda connected but they were different, the themes were different, and the feeling… the overall general feeling behind the dream. I woke up in my bedroom. There was something with Doug, something that Doug said… but I can’t remember that… I just remember that I was waking up, I was gonna get ready for school and (Dan’s alarm from across the room blares) Dammit, fucking alarms. That one’s worse. I really hate when Dan forgets to turn that one off because it’s across the room.

Anyway, so I went up to go take a shower and our bathroom was different than it really was. There was no bathroom upstairs in that old house but I dreamed that there was one. And, it was like in the hallway where there were there wasn’t even a room. It would’ve cut into where the closet is, if they were gonna put a, actually put a bathroom there. It would’ve cut into the closet where the master bedroom is. I suppose it’s possible, but there’d be no closet in the master bedroom.

…Went in the bathroom and it was very cluttered, there was a lot of stuff in it and it had a lot of my mom’s stuff, seemed almost like her bathroom. (chair falls) my god the cats are going fucking crazy. They always go psycho as soon as I wake up. Anyway, I can’t even do this! I can’t even record my dreams this way because they have to be so distracting. Oh!

I remember setting out some clothes and feeling like I never had enough time like it was rushed to get ready like I didn’t have quite enough time and when I went into take a shower I never got around to it and I had to go to the bathroom so I already go to the bathroom but I missed and ended up pooping on the floor and I was thinking, “Crap, I have to clean this up. I can’t believe I just did that.” So I started cleaning it and it really oddly felt like when I clean up cat poop and it looked that way too. And there was just this mess and it was so disgusting. I was so annoyed about it, cleaning that up… and…so…cleaned it up and I went to clean part of the toilet and I noticed there was just jewelry sitting on the edge of the toilet like gold jewelry and just pieces like a ring, a lighter and pieces of things I was like, “why are these around the edge of the toilet?” I really don’t understand but I moved them over to the counter and by the time I got done doing all that there was no time for a shower so I had to just go get dressed and go to school and then it jumped to the dream I just said earlier.

I remember the jewelry though, the jewelry on the edge of the toilet and then me pooping on the floor. So weird, what does that mean?.... (phone alarm goes off again) [END]

White Rabbit
by Jefferson Airplace

Saturday, April 23, 2011

oozing melted sea creatures made from wax burst from a ship covered in cobwebs crash-landed in a field

in a large field a bunch of us were just running like kids and it was mid afternoon. i saw a giant tree sideways like it had fallen, except it was covered in what looked like thick spiderwebs. it was coated like a fuzz and looked creepy. the tree looked like one of those weeds, instead of a tree but giant weed like tree-sized. it looked gross. a girl ran up to touch it and we all told her she shouldn't. but it was too late. we were yelling, "no! stop!" but she punctured the surface of the spiderweb and hundreds of little spider came oozing out. and all over her... she panicked.
it looked the same way ants come pouring out of an ant hill if you disturb the dirt mound. the spiders were like insides of the cobweb tree.
then the tree appeared more like some sort of ship and there were figures coming out of the tops of the ship... like the holes that would be doorways leading into the cabins... but they were oozing out like melted wax... at first we thought they were alive and what was inside coming out to attack us. but then we realized that they truly were made from wax and were a man-made display and it was getting so hot inside the wax was melting. they were sea creatures in bright colors like an orange octopus with all its legs and tentacles. giant squid and starfish... all made from wax..  just fake and this misplaced ship in a field... like it was pulled by a giant right out of a museum and tossed into this field. the thick cobweb layer seemed to be the real threat.... and the tiny spiders.
they were the real "enemy" and represented alien life come to our planet. there was something more inside and those weren't really spiders.. only looked like spiders... but i was too afraid to stick around.

later i went back to town and everything seem unrelated to what i found.
there was a large ship in town too but they had nothing to do with with each other. this dream seemed separate. the ship in down was docked and part hotel. it was night by then so people were dancing and having food and there was music and lights throughout.
i went to the highest point in it and found there were parts of the ship i could see that you cant normally see if you're submerged in the ship. not paying attention having too much fun. my brother seemed to know this too and lots of other things. there was seaweed gathered in a hidden underpart and we were pulling it aside to find secret items. tossing it down to a lower part but then thought we shouldn't be moving the seaweed. there was so much more to that part but i can't remember.

the next dream was unrelated to that scene, riding in a car with friends and getting ready to stop by his house to get clothes. he lived with some other friends. i went inside and saw they had minimalist surroundings and it was slightly odd how they had almost no stuff. Dalton lived there for some reason and i ventured into his room. found a dark blue laptop and wanted to open it and look in it but was afraid of him seeing me do it and getting upset... i opened the lid anyway and it turned on by itself but he came through the door just then so i turned fast and started looking at this shelf, pretending to just notice him coming in and saying, "oh is this your room? nice." he walked over to his computer and shut the lid, i assumed he thought he had left it open himself. he gave me a video game to start playing: racing. at first i was making the car go the wrong way and didn't realize it. my car was simplistically represented by this tiny yellow dot and nothing more. it would zip around at unrealistic speed, more like it was cheaply made from plastic... like a metal ball in one of those mazes instead of an actual video game. i soon mastered it and was insanely good at it.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

cutting my own leg open but there was no blood

trying to get back home but lost. in some little town driving about.
pulled up paperwork for a policy (work creeping in my dreams i swear) it looked old like it was done  in the 1800s but the full name was Sue CEC ECE
the agent was named Robert born in 1969.

i was standing in a room nighttime with rows and rows of films, it was like a movie rental but it looked like a home. there was a light glow in the room as if only a TV were on and nothing else.
I had this bad infection in my leg so I started cutting the skin. i cut a slit from my ankle to just below my knee running vertical. I felt nothing, no pain. Inside there was this white foamy looking stuff that I thought was fat but there was so much of it that I realized it was the infected dead matter. so I pulled on it and it came out through the cut in one big blob. it was disgusting. but my leg felt better suddenly. it was weird since it didnt even bleed. and i never got around to stitching back up my leg.
this dream just had a lot of random unconnected scenes. i dont remember how my leg got hurt like that.