ref dreams i havent had a chance to transcribe yet.... soon enough though.. but this bit for now:

My father isn’t my dad and my dad isn’t my father.

I just realized the dream I had this morning about Richard had mud and a house in the country as did the one about Steve. Only the mud was worse and horrible. But still… what does mud mean? And inadequate vehicles…

animorphs

night of 03/22 morn of 03/23

my backyard at my old house on 494 McKimber. running, just at eve. white sky and dead grass. back by where the tire swing used to be, and our tree house. the grass is all flat and dead instead of grown hihg and flowy. there are two jaguars stealthing and hunting me and i reach up with a rifle and kill them both. it feels like a videogame when im killnig them. but returns to that same dreamy languid feel as soon as they die. when i walk up to them i see that they were only antelope the whole time. they lay dying and bleeding and i felt guilty.

my mom

also from this past weekend. probably Sat nite. so 03/13 dated

sketch for now:

baths water camping kiss
feeling of burden, laden heavy annoying bother
small task could not do for me, like i was a tremendous pain in the ass.
painful and alone
dark

dream of an emotion

dreamed of being in the apt w Dan, middle of day. satnding in the kitchen with this immense uncontrollably sad feeling. it was horrid. i just cried and cried. i've never felt that kind of sadness. Dan came in and i hid the feeling from him and he started asking me about a game in the living as he turned onthe xbox. i mumbled some replythen took off for the bedroom, still needing to cry.
but he heard a few outbursts and came after me. all i wanted to do was cry alone. i had a pink rabbit in my hand and two other things. small
i came to bedroom and said, "i dont knowDan! please leave me alone!" then woke